I'm still not ready to write about Oreo.
Oreo was my nearly 17 year old dog that passed away in July. She was a huge part of our lives. Oreo was not a purebred. In fact, she was a "found" pup that no one ever claimed. But she was a Border Collie to the core. So smart. So fast, so agile and so loyal. So loyal.
I still am not ready to write her story. I'm still not in the place where I can get past the tears and find the words. There will be a day. But it's not today.
Sunday, August 18, 2013
Monday, August 5, 2013
Too many moms saying "NO"
I spend a lot of time standing behind a counter at an ice cream store and what I hear is "not for me" from so many women.
Picture this... a family of six people come in for dessert. The are on a joy-filled family outing with the Grandparents. The children are thrilled to order ice cream. They can't wait! Grandpa knows he wants a maple walnut sundae and Dad orders a dipped cone. Grandma says "oh, I'd like that too. But just a baby one. Can I get a kiddie size?"
Then it's Mom's turn to order. "Nothing for me, thanks." The Grandpa turns to her and says, "come on dear, I'm buying." And the Mom replies in one of several ways, but saying the same thing"... not for me."
She might say: 1) I can't... I'm on a diet. 2) I shouldn't.... I had a brownie three days ago. 3) I really have to pass....these jeans barely fit me now. 4) No.... If I eat that I'll have to run 10 miles tomorrow. 5) That sundae sounds good Dad, maybe I'll just try a bite of yours.
At this point in the ordering process, Grandma might back out of her order too, in a show of solidarity. "You're right dear, I've had too many sweets already this week. Forget my baby cone" she tells me. Sadly, this is a setback for her now too... just when she was getting comfortable treating herself once in a while (A privilege she finally felt she earned with age).
My concern here is not the sales. My concern is that I hear loud and clear, repeatedly, and from women of all shapes and sizes that they are not ENTITLED to a little taste of joy with their families. They are putting more value on body image than PARTICIPATING in the activity. It's not about eating ice cream, or dessert, I feel it is about mothers constantly saying no to themselves and distancing themselves from the norm.
What are these actions teaching our daughters? And our sons?
Children don't see this abstinence from dessert as an act of willpower or strength, they see it as another denial of play. Just the same as when a mom says no to playing catch or building a Lego castle, and washes dishes in the kitchen instead. Mom is NO FUN! She NEVER PLAYS with us. She doesn't even want to have ice cream with us!
The same scenario plays out at Old Navy, or in Safeway or at the gift store. Moms are happy to buy new clothes/favourite cereal/presents for their children and others, but are reluctant to say "yes" to themselves? Is it money? I don't think so. I just think society has conditioned moms to put others first and in some cases, deprive herself completely. This is why we refer to spa days or getting our hair done as an indulgence. "I splurged." Like getting your nails done requires some sort of confession to, or a pardon from, a higher authority. I have never heard a man rationalize his ice cream purchase or say out loud that he "splurged" on a case of beer or a new fishing rod.
All we need to say is "YES." Forget the speech about why you "shouldn't" or how you will pay for your sin later. Just say yes. "Yes, thank you, I'll have the hot fudge sundae... with nuts."
Don't believe me? Watch your kids' eyes light up when you say, "can I play catch with you?" or "Hey, let's go grab a couple of those ice cream sandwiches you love. I bet I can eat a whole one today!"
Picture this... a family of six people come in for dessert. The are on a joy-filled family outing with the Grandparents. The children are thrilled to order ice cream. They can't wait! Grandpa knows he wants a maple walnut sundae and Dad orders a dipped cone. Grandma says "oh, I'd like that too. But just a baby one. Can I get a kiddie size?"
Then it's Mom's turn to order. "Nothing for me, thanks." The Grandpa turns to her and says, "come on dear, I'm buying." And the Mom replies in one of several ways, but saying the same thing"... not for me."
She might say: 1) I can't... I'm on a diet. 2) I shouldn't.... I had a brownie three days ago. 3) I really have to pass....these jeans barely fit me now. 4) No.... If I eat that I'll have to run 10 miles tomorrow. 5) That sundae sounds good Dad, maybe I'll just try a bite of yours.
At this point in the ordering process, Grandma might back out of her order too, in a show of solidarity. "You're right dear, I've had too many sweets already this week. Forget my baby cone" she tells me. Sadly, this is a setback for her now too... just when she was getting comfortable treating herself once in a while (A privilege she finally felt she earned with age).
What are these actions teaching our daughters? And our sons?
Children don't see this abstinence from dessert as an act of willpower or strength, they see it as another denial of play. Just the same as when a mom says no to playing catch or building a Lego castle, and washes dishes in the kitchen instead. Mom is NO FUN! She NEVER PLAYS with us. She doesn't even want to have ice cream with us!
The same scenario plays out at Old Navy, or in Safeway or at the gift store. Moms are happy to buy new clothes/favourite cereal/presents for their children and others, but are reluctant to say "yes" to themselves? Is it money? I don't think so. I just think society has conditioned moms to put others first and in some cases, deprive herself completely. This is why we refer to spa days or getting our hair done as an indulgence. "I splurged." Like getting your nails done requires some sort of confession to, or a pardon from, a higher authority. I have never heard a man rationalize his ice cream purchase or say out loud that he "splurged" on a case of beer or a new fishing rod.
All we need to say is "YES." Forget the speech about why you "shouldn't" or how you will pay for your sin later. Just say yes. "Yes, thank you, I'll have the hot fudge sundae... with nuts."
Don't believe me? Watch your kids' eyes light up when you say, "can I play catch with you?" or "Hey, let's go grab a couple of those ice cream sandwiches you love. I bet I can eat a whole one today!"
Saturday, August 3, 2013
Not My Best
I'm not having a good time of things lately. I mean, it's ok. I don't, or shouldn't have much to complain about because it appears I lead a very fulfilled life but I'm simply not feeling any sense of happiness or success, even in little things right now.
Work has challenges. When you are the boss, you have to deal with the good and the bad. Again, that's life. It just seems like I'm letting too many people dictate to me. I need to get back to making the decisions that are right for the business, and worry less about who is or isn't going to be happy in the short term. I strive to be a great employer. I want to see people meet their personal goals and have success in their lives but I may have to focus more on numbers and less on emotions in the future.
Secondly, my kids aren't happy with me. I provided a less-than-thrilling summer vacation. And right now their "love" for me seems to be based on what I am or am not going to do to impress them next. So, that's a personal failure. And I have no interest in working myself into the grave just to please people who are not willing to put their own dishes in the dishwasher.
Thirdly, and most heartbreaking is the loss of my beloved Oreo. Oreo was my first dog. She came into my life nearly 17 years ago, as a cold and scared abandoned puppy and I have loved her every day since. Every night she would be there to greet me in the yard when I arrived from work. She enjoyed great health and a full life until her last day. Now that she's gone, there's just a big empty hole in my heart. It's only been 7 days and frankly, no one feels the gravity of this loss like I do. Well, except for our 10 month old puppy Belle. Belle is crying and mournful every night, still looking out the window, waiting for her four-legged bestie to come home. And I know exactly how she feels.
Then, I lost my "carrot." What on earth is that supposed to mean? Well.... I can work days and weeks without a day off as long as I see a reward or "carrot" in the future. If I have something to look forward to and motivate me, I can keep focused and on task. For months I have looked forward to attending the Rod Stewart concert in Las Vegas. I've probably talked about going for a year or so. I don't genuinely have a Bucket List or anything written down, but this was as close to anything that I really wanted to do for ME.
Since purchasing the (really awesome) tickets, months ago, I stayed focused and little by little put the pieces of a perfect 2 day trip together. I bought a dress and shoes. I also had my nails and hair and makeup done. I splurged and paid for a hotel next to the concert theatre. It took months, and a lot of money to make this little dream come true. We rushed through, what could have been an awesome dinner evening, to make it to the concert.
Then.... the concert was cancelled in the hour it was supposed to commence. So, there I stood, all dressed up with tickets in hand. Concert hosts/organizers had nothing much to say other than we should look into exchanging the unused tickets for another date. (November or after) Pardon? "Better luck next time?" Ugh. Don't I feel like a great big Cinderella fool? All dressed up for the ball and there's no ball.
My concert companion was not looking forward to the event. He was being dragged there and was placating me because it was my special thing. So, there was no let down for him. Maybe relief even. Hard for someone to console you or woe with you, when they don't really give a damn.
So... all and all, there's nothing tragic in my life. I have no right to complain in the big scheme of things but it just seems I can't possibly get a break. I make jokes to hold back the tears but.... well, I guess I should have forwarded that chain letter eh? The people on Facebook warned of bad luck if I didn't forward to 30 friends in 2 minutes.... oh nevermind. I can't even make myself laugh right now.
Work has challenges. When you are the boss, you have to deal with the good and the bad. Again, that's life. It just seems like I'm letting too many people dictate to me. I need to get back to making the decisions that are right for the business, and worry less about who is or isn't going to be happy in the short term. I strive to be a great employer. I want to see people meet their personal goals and have success in their lives but I may have to focus more on numbers and less on emotions in the future.
Secondly, my kids aren't happy with me. I provided a less-than-thrilling summer vacation. And right now their "love" for me seems to be based on what I am or am not going to do to impress them next. So, that's a personal failure. And I have no interest in working myself into the grave just to please people who are not willing to put their own dishes in the dishwasher.
Thirdly, and most heartbreaking is the loss of my beloved Oreo. Oreo was my first dog. She came into my life nearly 17 years ago, as a cold and scared abandoned puppy and I have loved her every day since. Every night she would be there to greet me in the yard when I arrived from work. She enjoyed great health and a full life until her last day. Now that she's gone, there's just a big empty hole in my heart. It's only been 7 days and frankly, no one feels the gravity of this loss like I do. Well, except for our 10 month old puppy Belle. Belle is crying and mournful every night, still looking out the window, waiting for her four-legged bestie to come home. And I know exactly how she feels.
Then, I lost my "carrot." What on earth is that supposed to mean? Well.... I can work days and weeks without a day off as long as I see a reward or "carrot" in the future. If I have something to look forward to and motivate me, I can keep focused and on task. For months I have looked forward to attending the Rod Stewart concert in Las Vegas. I've probably talked about going for a year or so. I don't genuinely have a Bucket List or anything written down, but this was as close to anything that I really wanted to do for ME.
Since purchasing the (really awesome) tickets, months ago, I stayed focused and little by little put the pieces of a perfect 2 day trip together. I bought a dress and shoes. I also had my nails and hair and makeup done. I splurged and paid for a hotel next to the concert theatre. It took months, and a lot of money to make this little dream come true. We rushed through, what could have been an awesome dinner evening, to make it to the concert.
Then.... the concert was cancelled in the hour it was supposed to commence. So, there I stood, all dressed up with tickets in hand. Concert hosts/organizers had nothing much to say other than we should look into exchanging the unused tickets for another date. (November or after) Pardon? "Better luck next time?" Ugh. Don't I feel like a great big Cinderella fool? All dressed up for the ball and there's no ball.
My concert companion was not looking forward to the event. He was being dragged there and was placating me because it was my special thing. So, there was no let down for him. Maybe relief even. Hard for someone to console you or woe with you, when they don't really give a damn.
So... all and all, there's nothing tragic in my life. I have no right to complain in the big scheme of things but it just seems I can't possibly get a break. I make jokes to hold back the tears but.... well, I guess I should have forwarded that chain letter eh? The people on Facebook warned of bad luck if I didn't forward to 30 friends in 2 minutes.... oh nevermind. I can't even make myself laugh right now.
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