5 Things to throw out TODAY

'Tis the season to purge the cupboards and closets and start fresh.

You really should throw out these 5 things, and never look back.

1. Spices that are older than THE Spice Girls comeback album. Ok, that's any herbs or spices more than 2 years old... they gotta go.

2. Makeup. If  it's more than 6 months old it has to go, especially mascara and anything that goes near your precious eyes.

3. Sauces. If you used it to BBQ last summer and not since, time to toss. Check your expiry dates on everything in your fridge, if it says 2013, it's done.

4. Pillows. If you've been breathing into it and drooling on it for more than a year, buh bye.

5. Toothbrush and toothpaste. If it's 60 days old, or you've recently had a cold, you need a new one.

Why... why are these things on the New Year's Hit List? 

One word. BACTERIA. 

It's a new year, start fresh. Please.

5 Things you can donate today that WILL make a difference.

If you are frustrated, like I am, at bureaucracy and organizational monsters that eat 80% of your cash donation and barely let anything trickle down to the intended source, then please consider my words.


5 Things that you can donate today that WILL make a difference in your own community: 

1. Pet food, blankets/towels to your humane society, rescue organizations and any organization dedicated to helping pets find homes. These are grass roots, local initiatives that are using consumables (pet food, litter) every day of the year. www.manitobamutts.org  http://www.fundsfurfriends.com/ http://www.earthdogterrierrescue.com/ http://www.brandonhumanesociety.ca http://www.darcysarc.ca/

2. Craft supplies, sewing supplies, magazines, mitts, boots & toques to your local school or daycare.  The home/school co-ordinator, secretary, or parent council members will use these consumables where they are most needed. These items will benefit kids. Who hasn't lost a mitt and needed a spare?

3. Fancy clothes - for lack of a better word: your suits and skirts, dressy jackets, ties and anything a person might wear to a job interview or personal celebration. You can donate these items anywhere. Whether it's Value Village, a women's shelter, or even a soup kitchen. People need decent clothes for job interviews. This is a genuine way to help.  And all people deserve to feel special or even
"appropriate" at their family birthdays, anniversaries, graduations etc. Have you ever skipped an event because you didn't want to be embarrassed by not fitting in?

4. Canned goods - it's important to keep emergency and long term supplies in our soup kitchens all year round.

5. Personal toiletries like toothbrushes, shampoo, tampons, socks, underwear, polysporin, bandaids, a comb, deodorant. Or coupons for these and similar items. These items can go along way to making a person feel "human" or presentable. Whether it's Siloam Mission, the Salvation Army, a church, a clinic or other place of your choosing, it will help. You may take these items for granted, but a person stretching their food budget or trying to keep a roof over their heads, may consider these luxury items.

If you can help people and/or animals in your own community, please do. 

Best of 2013

I shudder to think about writing this year in review. I pretty much hated this year and frankly, I can't wait for it to end and get a fresh start with 2014.  This is simply my raw, generalized opinion of the year as a whole. However, when I pause to consider events and activities as individual moments, there were some pretty good times. I'll try to focus on those.

So, in no particular order... my best memories of 2013: 

Best meal:  A crepe in a casino! I was absolutely sober, and it was mid-day, but damn that crepe from the Aria Hotel & Casino in Las Vegas was amazing! The raspberries were so fresh and flavourful you'd think they were photoshopped in your mouth! Karen & I had incredible meals that whole trip.

Where I should have sat to see the concert.  

Where I got to sit instead! 

Rod Stewart 12 feet away & singing my song! 

Best compliment: A concert usher, at Caesar's Palace said to me "you're too pretty to sit in the back row. Here, take these tickets and sit up front."  And that's how we saw the Rod Stewart concert from the good seats! Seriously, an unbelievably lucky moment.

Best song: Well, you see, Rod Stewart kinda sang "Some Guys Have All The Luck" to me, at the above mentioned concert. He was looking at me, winked, and was belting out his signature hit. So, yeah, that ROCKED!

Best bliss: Late January, on a heated patio, in Newport Beach California, I was sipping a raspberry lemon drop martini while the music of Simply Red quietly played in the background. My 7 year old son  was exhausted and completely enthralled with the events of the day. He drifted asleep next to me, telling me how much he loved being my travel buddy and just hanging out with me.

Best scream: I rode a roller coaster. It was California Screamin' at Disneyland, and boy did I scream!  And since I've spent a lifetime avoiding these types of rides and saying "I don't do roller coasters" it was a pretty big deal. I'm glad I did it. It's good to face your fears.

Best "why the hell not" moment:  I let my awesome hair dresser dip dye the ends of my blonde hair bright pink. What a great conversation starter and fun two weeks! It washed out and didn't stain my blonde hair. No harm at all.

Best silver lining. My 3 year old truck was damaged beyond your imagination during a routine oil change. The Titan needed a new transmission and a re-build on its engine. That was absolutely unbelievable and caused WEEKS of grief. During this time every man in my life and those associated with the issue talked down to me and did their best to make me feel like a stupid girl in a man's world. I hated that! Ultimately, the insurance of the dealership that destroyed my truck paid for all repairs, and in the end, I traded in the old truck for a brand new Titan. Of course there was 100% disclosure on the trade in. So, my "silver lining" in this experience was getting my first brand new vehicle ever. And it's silver. And I like it alot. Of course, I have to pay for it, and had to renegotiate my loan during this ordeal, but the dealership that sold me the new Titan was fantastic and really had my back in the process. Friends for life!

Best upgrade: $50 and a little Canadian charm got me upgraded from the basic room (read "cheapest room at the hotel") to the Bellagio Suite at the Bellagio Hotel in Vegas. The suite had 3 bathrooms, a living room, a dining room and just total overall awesomeness.  The robes were so awesome, I had to buy one! That robe makes me feel like a princess every time I put it on.

Best history experience:  Touching the space shuttle Adventure, as it was on display at the Johnson Space Centre in Houston Texas. Everything in that NASA museum was an incredible glimpse into history.... history that has pretty much happened in my parents' lifetime. That was cool. Really cool.

Best kid moment: When my little one took my hand and said "let's do this" and led me on stage to sing karaoke on our Disney cruise. We sang "our" song and did a heck of a job on it! I'd never ever sung karaoke before. That was another fear and check on the bucket list accomplished this year.

Best instant party: My son's hockey team won the championship and he hollers "free ice cream" in the locker room and invites everyone back to our diner for a celebration. Since it was only 9AM, I suggested we do pancakes instead. So, on about 20 minutes notice (about the time it takes the team to change out of their gear) we whipped up a championship pancake breakfast with bacon, yogurt, fruit and juice. Finally... having a restaurant comes in handy!

Best golf games: I golfed with my boys 3 times this year. That was fun. They are growing up so fast!

Us photo-bombing someone's cheesy
Vegas wedding pic! LOL

Best spontaneous trip: Vegas with Shelby! I think she casually asked over the counter at work, on a Thursday, and that very Monday we were on a plane. I really needed that escape. Gosh we had laughs! Even better than our "great" Grand Forks adventure of 2010.

Best work moment: Hosting a charity milkshake event to raise money for a family whose dad is stricken with cancer. I have never seen a community come together like that day. And the staff were unbelievable! We accomplished more that day than we'd dreamt of. We put $2000 in the hands of a good family, for all the right reasons. That is my most proud teamwork moment for certain, maybe ever.  Thinking about that day brings a tear to my eye.

Reflecting back on a year is a good thing. I'm breathing better now for having reminisced and really thought about the individual events and moments. It's hard to grasp why I say I hated this year so much when it was, indeed, filled with much laughter and the company of friends. My loved ones are healthy and still with us. My children continue to grow and pursue their passions. I continue to travel and surprise myself with courage and strength. I've even had some fun writing about my travels. So... what do I really have to complain about? Not a damn thing.

Cheers! Here's to 2014. May our lives be blessed with good health, good friends and great adventures!

A Few Things I'm Proud Of in a Life Without Regrets

Should I perish in some tragic accident, I shall rest peacefully knowing that I showed my kids how to live fully, and value their family and community.

I will never regret letting my toddlers eat off the good china. If we had company for dinner, it was a special occasion! We all celebrated together, even if the neighbours were just coming over for stew. No piece was ever damaged and the kids always loved having "fancy dinners."

I will never regret showing my children the lessons of charity. To give, to share and to honour your community is a critical citizenship lesson, in my humble opinion. Seeing my kids deliver Christmas Hampers, or even donate their old hockey sticks to the community centre, always makes me swell with pride.

I will never regret the time and money spent travelling with my children. Seeing the world and sharing the experiences brought us closer and gave us some amazing memories.

I will never regret baking cookies at midnight or hosting spontaneous dance parties. Even if it meant blasting the routine of bedtime or leaving a messy kitchen, it was so worth it. Family dance parties and kitchen limbo contests... well, that's some fun stuff.

I will never regret giving the kids a little spending money of their own, and showing them how to earn more. Chores are not evil. Helping to look after yourself, your home and your family is essential information. And hard work should be rewarded. Perhaps someday my kids will be employers and perhaps this lesson will resonate deeply.

I will never regret having animals in our house and in our lives. The doggie "siblings" were some of the first friends the kids had and they taught them so much about empathy, respect, responsibility, kindness, love and even health.  Some people say dogs are too much work. Well, for me, they complete a family. My house doesn't feel right without a dog.

I will never regret any money spent with their safety in mind. Whether it's a high end piece of hockey equipment or snow tires to take them to games safely, it's worth every penny. Insurance, bike helmets, seat belts and more were always in the budget. Keeping my kids safe, is, of course, priceless.

I will never regret any time spent writing. Whether it is in their journals, baby books, blogging here or even "I love you" notes in their lunches it will help them know who their mother is. And one thing they will know for certain, through my actions and words, is how much I love and cherish them.

5 Reasons Why I'm Not Afraid to Fail

1. I've done it enough. I'm starting to get good at it.... failing, that is.  The hard part used to be getting back up and dusting yourself off. But once that's mastered, there's really no stopping you. 

2. No one gives a crap anyway. Seriously. Movie stars and politicians are the ones who are grabbing headlines. And while it used to be "15 minutes of fame" whatever your blunder, it's history in milliseconds with today's social media. 

3. Fail isn't a catastrophe anymore, it's a hashtag. Baked cookies... dropped them on the floor! #fail 

4. Life without risks isn't living.  I couldn't live in a bubble. I would never want that for my children either. Bubble wrap is for wine glasses and Grandma's Christmas ornaments, not people. 

5. If it's not illegal or immoral, don't sweat it. If you want to lie about your weight or going over the Secret Santa gift exchange budget, that's ok too in my books. 

--------------

“Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is the little voice at the end of the day that says I'll try again tomorrow.” ― Mary Anne Radmacher.

122 & Still Going Strong!

When you get a chance to realize your passion and pursue it, it's very fulfilling.

Such is the case for me in regards to travel and my writing. I can hardly believe, though, that I've been prolific enough to write 122 pieces on my own travel experiences in the last calendar year!

I've been in California, Nevada, Texas and North Dakota, Minnesota, Colorado and Georgia this year.

Thanks to the Disney Cruise (November) I can also add a few more exotic locations to the list. Those being Jamaica, Grand Cayman and Cozumel (but I don't really think it's fair to count that one as we did not get off the ship in Mexico.)

I work hard and travel is my "carrot." As long as I have a trip planned at some point in the future, I can work as hard as it takes to get there.

I love to experience new places, see new trends, and taste new cuisine.

If you'd like to read about some of my experiences, stop by the travel blog. You'll see some common threads, meet a few characters, and see plenty more palm trees!

www.escapethe204.blogspot.ca

Bucket List

Having a 'bucket list' has become about as common as wearing eyeglasses. And whether you have one or not, whether you've seen the movie or not, you GET the concept.

It's basically a very personal, very cool list of things you want to see and/or do before you "kick the bucket."  Glamourous slang isn't it?

My bucket list is a work-in-progress. I have a few little things that I want to do in the near future, and aspirations to have a grandiose list at some point. But in the meantime, I've realized I've done a whole lot of really cool things that IF I'd planned or could have dreamt up, then I probably would have had them on the list.

So maybe my list is a reverse list. A "been there, done that" list of very cool things that I've actually experienced.

In no particular order:

• Took my kids to Hawaii
• Met Teemu Selanne and talked "Jets" with him for a few minutes. And he signed his hockey card. 
• Sat front row at the Katy Perry concert in the Bahamas. A concert for 400 people in the ball room. She was on top of the charts and days later announced a world tour. 
• Sat behind home plate at a sold out one-night-only MLB game 
• Accidentally ended up in the NY Yankees' office. Saw their World Series trophies on display. 
• Spontaneously went to an Eastern Finals game in the NHL. Was awed by the goalie (Tim Thomas) who would win the Vezna trophy and a Stanley Cup just weeks later.
• Saw the first NHL game between the Coyotes and the Jets 2.0
• Saw future Hall-Of-Fame Quarterback Brett Favre play live. 
• Came within 4 feet of a very rare Tiger Shark (backstage aquarium tour) 
• Did lots of watersliding through shark tanks
• Had my photo taken with Mickey Mouse
• Saw the Disney castle, and shed a tear. 
• Saw a full size gingerbread house at the Grand Floridian hotel, at "fake" Christmas
• Wrote a book that spent several weeks on a Best-Sellers List
• Ran for public office
• Touched the Pacific and the Atlantic oceans in the same year
• Climbed to the top of a (small) mountain
• Saw U2, Rolling Stones, Bon Jovi, Aerosmith, Prince and Def Leopard in concert(s)
• Stayed at the Bellagio Hotel in Vegas
• Bought a struggling restaurant and turned it into a veritable hot spot
• Catered "lunch" at 2AM to a movie set for a big name actor
• Rode a huge roller coaster & overcame my life-long fear. 
• Owned a convertible and a classic car

It sure sounds awesome when you put it in a list! I really had no idea that I'd lived such an exciting decade. It sure sounds that way. I can hardly believe that's me...my life. When I look in the mirror... I see a dull boring person, with no social life, who obsesses about work and family. I see a woman getting older by the minute and missing out on more than I participate in. But maybe I need a new mirror... that all sounds pretty adventuresome and dynamic to me right now. 

What will the future hold? I'm pretty excited to find out and keep the list growing! 

My Tribute to Oreo

Oreo.  Where can I start?

Oreo was a dog, grateful for her home and people every day of her life. She was an orphan... a stray... a homeless lost puppy, found on January 8th, 1997. It was a bitterly cold day and she was found downtown, huddled under a car. She was dirty and hungry, and according to the vet's expert opinion "dumped downtown, an unwanted Christmas gift." He told me, "She'll be a perfectly good dog and love you forever if you just clean her up and give her a home."

He was right. So VERY right!

Oreo was more than just "good." She was gentle and smart and oh so very loving. Really, "grateful" is the best and only word to describe how she was and lived every day.

Fast forward to how she literally changed our lives.... Oreo was a lively, border collie insatiable for exercise and play. We started off walking her. Then running with her. Then riding a bike. Then biking miles and miles through the woods. Then we brought in a canine playmate, Mocha.  Ultimately, we chose to move out to a country house so that they could have enough space to play and roam. I even rode horseback and those "energizer bunnies" bolted along the trails hours at a time.

When the kids were born she took on the role of hall monitor. She knew who was coming and going and had one eye on each of them at all times. But she was hardly interactive. She left the role of "nanny" to Mocha, the labrador/dalmatian dog. Oreo, though gentle and loving, had no interest in kids climbing all over her and tugging at her ears.

Though mild mannered and sweet like a cookie, Oreo was never going to back down in the face of danger. If her people were threatened she never hesitated to take charge. Like the time we encountered a coyote on the trail and she ran him off. Or the time another dog came racing at the kids, and she let out a bark 4 times her size.  She never ceased to amaze me.

In her latter years she could be found curled up on the floor at your feet, or underneath a table. Never very far from her people... always in the room and keeping a watchful eye. Every night in the yard, she'd meet me in the driveway. That's one of the things I have missed the most. I swear she could hear our vehicles a mile away.

When I call her a Border Collie, it was mostly about her habits and instincts, and of course her looks. But did we ever really know the genetics of our mutt? No. But she was brilliant and agile, loyal and loving and absolutely steadfast in her dedication to her family. To me, she was everything a border collie embodies. And a herder! Such a good herder.

She was a mischievous little clown at times too. She'd steal the whole chicken breast off your plate if you left for 10 seconds to grab something from the fridge!  She'd lock eyes with you, and do it anyways if she ever got caught in the act! From underneath the table, to on your chair and out the door with your chicken before you could holler her name!

And there was no fencing that dog either! Over, under, through.... didn't matter. Whatever it took to get out, she'd do it. There really was no point ever trying to contain her.

She hated swimming, but loved going to the lake.  She loved to play chase with you, but never fetch. Try getting her to fetch and you would be the one running after the ball. It was "beneath her" and you got that glare every time you tried.

I remember that she loved digging her own carrots out of the garden. And though no dog treats ever drove her wild... shortbread cookies at Christmas time were absolutely her all-time favourites. If you tried lifting a shortbread to your mouth, she'd leap into your lap and snatch it out of your hand before it ever touched your lips. She was crazy that way! And I loved it!

Mocha LOVED ice cream. Oreo didn't care either way. Oreo would let Mo lick every drop of it and she'd still be wagging her tail all happy and content to have the empty cup after.

Mocha spent her time sleeping on the kids' beds, while Oreo was always at my feet. She had this little thing about curling up in the warm spot the minute you'd leave the bed in the morning. Turn around for a second and she'd be curled up next to your pillow.

I really miss her, still. She was my first doggie and taught me so many things. She was really ill once at 12 years and managed to bounce back. I certainly considered the 4 years after to be bonus time. I was really grateful for the bonus time. We had some great walks, some great cuddles and some great memories together in those last years.

The day she left to find her resting place I was devastated. I didn't want her to die alone. I knew something was up because she was more tired than usual and had refused to eat her favourite wet dog food that morning. (I used to feed her privately, out of sight of the puppy, so she wouldn't be rushed and could get every morsel herself.) Well, that day I put her dog food back in the fridge and labelled it "Oreo." She went outside to the yard. That night when I got home from work she didn't greet me and just could not be found.

We searched and searched well past midnight, and then again at dawn the next day. I must have called her name a hundred times. Out property is densely treed and the grass was so thick she could have been anywhere, we just couldn't see her. I was so upset. I just wanted to find her.

Then just after lunch she stumbled out into the yard into plain sight. She was limp and disoriented but alive. I scooped her up into my arms and told her everything I needed to say. I petted her lovingly and the kids did the same. There's no way she should have been alone at the end. As fiercely independent as she was, she needed her family that day and her family needed her. I was so grateful she changed her mind and came home. That was my Oreo... she knew I needed her and if it took her last ounce of strength, she was going to be at my side 'til the end.

I don't consider it a sad ending. I consider it the perfect ending to a good life of canine-human companionship. She loved us and we loved her. We gave Oreo...and Mocha too, the best years and the best times and they gave us theirs.

Forever grateful,
Cathie


(Oreo was buried alongside her canine sister, Mocha. May they both rest in peace.)

Raising a Spoilt Border Collie

Our Belle, is a great dog. She's still young, and has more energy than an atom, but she's still an absolutely great dog! I love her like crazy.  She's never going to replace the love and lifetime with Oreo and Mocha, but she's definitely part of this family and we're having lots of fun together.

What she has taught me already is that we spoil her. And you know for certain you have a spoilt dog when:

1) they get more bed space than you do

2) they are absolutely insulted when you buy generic dog treats

3) when the "no dogs allowed" rule (for new furniture) lasts 2 days

4) when she destroys your shoes and you say, "they were uncomfortable and I didn't like them anyway" and toss the shoes without even scolding her

5) never finish a meal without giving them a taste

6) you turn the volume down on the TV so you don't wake the sleeping dog next to you

7) your dog has more toys than you ever did

8) you spend more time and money in pet stores than you do the hair salon

9) if you have ever considered doggie daycare

10) have monogrammed ornaments and a stocking for your dog at Christmas

Pretty quiet. But not pretty at all!

I've been pretty quiet lately. I've hardly done any writing. This is because I'm on auto-pilot.

After working the last 55 consecutive days, without a day off, I'm basically a robot. A robot with deteriorating looks and deteriorating ability to function.

A regular customer, a person I would even consider a friend, summed it up the other day like this: "Cath... Aw, you look like crap. I mean, you'll bounce back, but how much more of this can you take?"

All I heard was "you'll bounce back" and I'm thinking.... I usually CAN, but what if I CAN'T this time? What if there is no amount of $200 eye cream and night serum that will ever restore my outer glow? Lord knows at this point, the inner "glow" is pretty much gone.

So, I agree, 55 days is not healthy. Not a good idea. I wouldn't recommend it.  But truthfully, days 35-45 were the hardest. I was still hoping for a day off at that point. Now, I've pretty much given up wanting/hoping/expecting/planning for a day off, and that, frankly, that has made it easier. Now that I've resigned myself to the fact that each day the sun rises and sets, I must attend to the restaurant... I'm ok with it. I know what I need to do.

Failure simply isn't an option. Either is getting sick. On that note, I'd highly recommend Cold-FX and washing your hands 800 times a day. It works. Seriously.

Now some days are easier than others. And an 8 hour day feels like a cake walk. It's practically a day off kind of feeling. Even the kids are in shock and awe if I'm home in daylight. Mom... you're home??? It's not, "Mom... you're home!!!" It's said with a much more suspicious and "what's wrong" kind of tone.

Mondays used to be my favourite day. Kind of a slack day, meant for cleaning and getting caught up at work. And now, the last 2 Mondays have been complete and total, unpredictable, you-would-not-believe-me-if-I-told-you kind of gong show days. I'm pretty much scared of Mondays now. So I think I will just stick to referring to days of the week, by their numbers. As in, hey.... happy day 56.

So I'm just going to stop typing now and pretty much shut up. I'm sure we both agree this isn't pretty.

Don't worry.... I'll bounce back. Maybe.

You know you're tired when....

...you can fall asleep sitting in a chair working. I believe I sat upright and slept hours last night with my hands on a keyboard.The last thing I saw was 4AM on the clock. Doing schedules and analyzing data and planning promotions. That's glamourous stuff to be doing all night.

...you know you are tired when: you put ketchup on your own hot dog. And you don't even like ketchup!

...you know you are tired when you can't find the words any more and just point to things as a means of expressing what you want.

...you know you're tired when you consider coffee as a priority, not a beverage.

--you know you're tired when you fall asleep before the child you're reading to.

...you know you're tired when you start setting 6 alarms in the morning because you already sleep through the first 5.

Business Owner's Bad Math

I own a restaurant. We are open 7 days a week, including all holidays. But by design, it's merely seasonal. We are closed in the dead of winter, and thank goodness for that because I really can't keep up this pace more than 250 days a year.

Closed 115 days a year? Over 100 days off.... that sounds amazing, right? Well, lets do the math. It's exactly the same as a person working 5 days a week and having weekends off. That "regular worker" would get 2 days off, each of 52 weeks (plus stat holidays) so they are off likely 115 days a year. Same!

But, the pace is really hard to keep up without a solid sanity break here and there. I'm not bragging. I freely admit I must actually be crazy for working like this.

Let's look at August, shall we? With staff departures and holidays, and sudden staff illness I ended up working every single day in August, except for the 1st.  I worked (in the restaurant) from August 2nd to 30th consecutively. Each day was a 12 hour day, except for 4 days. Of those 4 days, I worked two days at just 8 hour shifts, plus two 5's. (For interest, I used my one half day to drive out of town to run errands and do chores/visit my mother. The other, I got my hair and nails done.)

12 x 26 = 312
2 x 8 = 16
2 x 5 = 10

That's 338 hours in the building and/or rushing to grab supplies.  This does NOT include time spent in my home office planning meals, doing schedules, preparing advertisements, and the other "brain" tasks outside of the physical serving, cleaning, cooking which is required on site.

So if a "regular worker" works 7.5 hours a day, 5 days a week, it would take them just over 9 weeks to complete 338 hours of work.

So, by my bad math, I worked 9 weeks in August!!! LOL  Agreed. It's not healthy, or sane. But when others were calling in sick, and the show must go on in a 7 day a week operation, that's what the owner does. After all, it's my name on the wall and my reputation at risk.

The bigger question is really... what WEREN'T you doing in August?  Well, I can honestly say that I have gone another whole summer without going to the lake or camping. I didn't go fishing or hiking or to a beach either. I certainly didn't go out partying or out for dinners. I didn't have a bonfire with my kids or even touch a BBQ. I did not attend a concert or go to any fairs or festivals. I really didn't do any "summer" things that people enjoy in this part of the country. I had one drink on a patio... so I guess that was good! LOL

What I DID do, was dedicate 8 days in early July to a family vacation. It was certainly good to get out of town. But the fact remains, since that vacation, I have worked my ass off and am physically in desperate need for another break.

I find myself in a little rut. I'm like a carnival pony. As long as I keep my head down and my feet moving, things will stay on track. And as long as this little carnival pony can see a vacation (my "carrot") dangling in the distance, I should be able to keep going. It's not easy! But easy is never worth it.

As my new favourite proverb, I'll lastly note: Opportunity looks a lot like hard work...and for those who really know me, they KNOW I've never been shy about hard work.

Just not there

I'm still not ready to write about Oreo.

Oreo was my nearly 17 year old dog that passed away in July. She was a huge part of our lives. Oreo was not a purebred. In fact, she was a "found" pup that no one ever claimed. But she was a Border Collie to the core. So smart. So fast, so agile and so loyal. So loyal.

I still am not ready to write her story.  I'm still not in the place where I can get past the tears and find the words. There will be a day. But it's not today.

Too many moms saying "NO"

I spend a lot of time standing behind a counter at an ice cream store and what I hear is "not for me" from so many women.

Picture this... a family of six people come in for dessert. The are on a joy-filled family outing with the Grandparents. The children are thrilled to order ice cream. They can't wait! Grandpa knows he wants a maple walnut sundae and Dad orders a dipped cone. Grandma says "oh, I'd like that too. But just a baby one. Can I get a kiddie size?"

Then it's Mom's turn to order. "Nothing for me, thanks." The Grandpa turns to her and says, "come on dear, I'm buying."  And the Mom replies in one of several ways, but saying the same thing"... not for me."

She might say: 1)  I can't... I'm on a diet.  2) I shouldn't.... I had a brownie three days ago. 3) I really have to pass....these jeans barely fit me now.  4) No.... If I eat that I'll have to run 10 miles tomorrow. 5) That sundae sounds good Dad, maybe I'll just try a bite of yours.

At this point in the ordering process, Grandma might back out of her order too, in a show of solidarity. "You're right dear, I've had too many sweets already this week. Forget my baby cone" she tells me. Sadly, this is a setback for her now too... just when she was getting comfortable treating herself once in a while (A privilege she finally felt she earned with age).

My concern here is not the sales. My concern is that I hear loud and clear, repeatedly, and from women of all shapes and sizes that they are not ENTITLED to a little taste of joy with their families. They are putting more value on body image than PARTICIPATING in the activity. It's not about eating ice cream, or dessert, I feel it is about mothers constantly saying no to themselves and distancing themselves from the norm.

What are these actions teaching our daughters? And our sons?

Children don't see this abstinence from dessert as an act of willpower or strength, they see it as another denial of play. Just the same as when a mom says no to playing catch or building a Lego castle, and washes dishes in the kitchen instead. Mom is NO FUN! She NEVER PLAYS with us. She doesn't even want to have ice cream with us!

The same scenario plays out at Old Navy, or in Safeway or at the gift store.  Moms are happy to buy new clothes/favourite cereal/presents for their children and others, but are reluctant to say "yes" to themselves?  Is it money? I don't think so. I just think society has conditioned moms to put others first and in some cases, deprive herself completely.  This is why we refer to spa days or getting our hair done as an indulgence. "I splurged." Like getting your nails done requires some sort of confession to, or a pardon from, a higher authority.  I have never heard a man rationalize his ice cream purchase or say out loud that he "splurged" on a case of beer or a new fishing rod.

All we need to say is "YES." Forget the speech about why you "shouldn't" or how you will pay for your sin later. Just say yes. "Yes, thank you, I'll have the hot fudge sundae... with nuts."

Don't believe me? Watch your kids' eyes light up when you say, "can I play catch with you?" or "Hey, let's go grab a couple of those ice cream sandwiches you love. I bet I can eat a whole one today!"

Not My Best

I'm not having a good time of things lately. I mean, it's ok. I don't, or shouldn't have much to complain about because it appears I lead a very fulfilled life but I'm simply not feeling any sense of happiness or success, even in little things right now.

Work has challenges. When you are the boss, you have to deal with the good and the bad. Again, that's life. It just seems like I'm letting too many people dictate to me. I need to get back to making the decisions that are right for the business, and worry less about who is or isn't going to be happy in the short term. I strive to be a great employer. I want to see people meet their personal goals and have success in their lives but I may have to focus more on numbers and less on emotions in the future.

Secondly, my kids aren't happy with me. I provided a less-than-thrilling summer vacation. And right now their "love" for me seems to be based on what I am or am not going to do to impress them next. So, that's a personal failure. And I have no interest in working myself into the grave just to please people who are not willing to put their own dishes in the dishwasher.

Thirdly, and most heartbreaking is the loss of my beloved Oreo. Oreo was my first dog. She came into my life nearly 17 years ago, as a cold and scared abandoned puppy and I have loved her every day since. Every night she would be there to greet me in the yard when I arrived from work. She enjoyed great health and a full life until her last day. Now that she's gone, there's just a big empty hole in my heart. It's only been 7 days and frankly, no one feels the gravity of this loss like I do.  Well, except for our 10 month old puppy Belle. Belle is crying and mournful every night, still looking out the window, waiting for her four-legged bestie to come home.  And I know exactly how she feels.

Then, I lost my "carrot." What on earth is that supposed to mean? Well.... I can work days and weeks without a day off as long as I see a reward or "carrot" in the future. If I have something to look forward to and motivate me, I can keep focused and on task. For months I have looked forward to attending the Rod Stewart concert in Las Vegas. I've probably talked about going for a year or so. I don't genuinely have a Bucket List or anything written down, but this was as close to anything that I really wanted to do for ME.

Since purchasing the (really awesome) tickets, months ago, I stayed focused and little by little put the pieces of a perfect 2 day trip together. I bought a dress and shoes. I also had my nails and hair and makeup done. I splurged and paid for a hotel next to the concert theatre. It took months, and a lot of money to make this little dream come true. We rushed through, what could have been an awesome dinner evening, to make it to the concert.

Then.... the concert was cancelled in the hour it was supposed to commence. So, there I stood, all dressed up with tickets in hand. Concert hosts/organizers had nothing much to say other than we should look into exchanging the unused tickets for another date. (November or after)  Pardon? "Better luck next time?" Ugh.  Don't I feel like a great big Cinderella fool? All dressed up for the ball and there's no ball.

My concert companion was not looking forward to the event. He was being dragged there and was placating me because it was my special thing. So, there was no let down for him. Maybe relief even. Hard for someone to console you or woe with you, when they don't really give a damn.

So... all and all, there's nothing tragic in my life. I have no right to complain in the big scheme of things but it just seems I can't possibly get a break.  I make jokes to hold back the tears but.... well, I guess I should have forwarded that chain letter eh? The people on Facebook warned of bad luck if I didn't forward to 30 friends in 2 minutes.... oh nevermind. I can't even make myself laugh right now.

I may have ruined my kids

I took my kids on a fabulous vacation. Not news. This happens all the time, or so it seems.

I pride myself on organizing incredible travel adventures for my family and each one has generally had something pretty magical and memorable happen. (On a bargain budget.)

Like the time we went to the Atlantis Resort (Nassau, Bahamas) and I used my Canadian charm to get an invitation to a private, backstage aquarium tour of one of the largest and most incredible aquatic collections on earth. (5 feet away from a rare Tiger Shark)  And also,  front row tickets to the Katy Perry concert at the same hotel the next day.

Or the time we got bumped from a (Delta) flight and ended up overnight in Atlanta and landed tickets behind home plate to a sold-out playoff baseball game.

Or the time we happened to meet and chat with legendary hockey star Teemu Selanne and the rest of the Anaheim Ducks.

Yeah, looking back at it this way, it does seem that I've set the bar pretty high. But... believe me, it's all been timing. Or timing, a little Canadian charm and dumb luck.  But it's come back to bite me in the ass now anyway.

This year I planned, what I thought was going to be, a family-fun adventure to Disneyland and then a couple relaxing days in Newport Beach, California.  I thought this sounded pretty great. Turns out my kids thought it was "boring and lame" and were not impressed. Insulted, I retorted that they were ungrateful,  demanding, spoiled and had a inappropriate sense of entitlement. I told them that "any child or adult would LOVE to trade places with them and if they can't be happy at the happiest place on earth, then I'm certainly not going to plan any future vacations for them."

Who's really to blame here?  Me, obviously.

It hurt that I didn't see their eyes light up on Main Street Disneyland. Never once did they gasp, "Look mom, it's Pluto or Mickey Mouse!" Instead all I heard, over and over was, "what's next? Why are we doing this ride again? When can I get a lemonade? Why can't you get me a fastpass?"

The kids aren't even teenagers yet. We can't blame hormones, or peers or even the media. (LOL. Aren't these the usual scapegoats?) So, I've ruined what I had hoped were kind, polite, charming, humble, worldly little people.

There's hope yet. I mean, I turned out ok. (Better than OK if you ask my mom.) The only vacations I saw as a kid were "get in the stationwagon/van/car, we're driving to Grandma's house/campground/Mount Rushmore/Grand Forks for a few days.  Cassette tapes to sing along to and an electric frying pan at the campsite were the highlights of my days. And I DO remember them fondly.

But aren't we ALL doing this nowadays? Air travel, tropical vacations, specialty sport camps and "life experience" travel? I'm pretty sure that we are! I want to see the world.... it can't just be words and pictures on a computer screen.... I want to see and do what other people write about. Bottom line is that the world is a much SMALLER place then when I was a kid, because of the Internet and our ability to connect and share, and research and pursue.  And comparatively much less expensive to travel by air, and much more expensive (than the 90's) to travel by car.  I want to see the world and it is a thrill for me to show my kids. However, my pursuit of travel and magical memories is likely causing an attitude problem in the youngsters.

This isn't over yet. I'm not about to let my kids get away with demanding more and more without giving and learning MORE themselves. So, I'm going to call in the troops.... literally. Time to call on my retired military dad to back me up and set us all straight (me included). I bet he can show my kids a great day without spending $5 and without ever burning an hour in front of a computer or iPod screen. He can easily remind us where our family values begin and end and how we want to and WILL treat others. I haven't fallen far from the stable "oak" tree that is my dad. And I can't imagine (never, ever, ever) giving up on my kids. Time to tackle this problem as a larger family unit and show these boys that  the world is an amazing and incredible classroom and they are merely humble students, blessed to participate.

Special Childhood Memories

You never really know what you will remember into the future, or what things will be special for your children. But there will come a time when you will fondly reminisce about an event or object or feeling.

As we were packing to go on an upcoming trip I came across my Minnie Mouse watch.  I bought this watch on a Disney Cruise in 2011. I bought it because it reminded me of when I was 5.  For whatever reason I recall learning to tell time on a red strapped, Minnie Mouse watch. I think I must have worn that watch for years and years because when I close my eyes I can still picture it! I know I loved that watch.

If you've ever been on a cruise, you'll know a watch is a necessity. Our modern way of telling time (looking at our cell phones) doesn't work at all when you are in the middle of the ocean. And since you absolutely must get to the Captain's dinner on time, you need to have a watch. So, when it became a necessary purchase for me, I HAD to go with the replica watch from my childhood.

It's the cutest watch and I treasure it like I did when I was a child. (As odd as that sounds.) And though I rarely wear it, it certainly makes me smile when I do! And this trip, we're actually heading to Disneyland and in my opinion, that makes a Minnie Mouse watch a mandatory accessory whether you are 5 or 75 or any age in between!

Disneyland... the place where dreams are made, and everyone is allowed to showcase their inner Goofy!

Just Go For It

Even when you look in the mirror you don't see yourself the way that others see you.

This point was made for me a week ago, when a long time friend and co-worker shared her insight. She said to me, "you know, Cathie, you are the one person I know that lives without regrets. Nothing stops you and you just go for it!"

I at least had the presence of mind to pause and consider her words rather than retort with my usual sarcasm or bad jokes.

This was a very serious and well regarded woman and her remarks were intended as a compliment, no doubt.

So this suggestion that I live without regrets, or am perceived that way has really gotten my attention. Could this be true? Do I really go for it?

Well, I did change careers rather dramatically to buy a restaurant. I did move out of my familiar city to live in a rural area. I did write a book and have it hit the best sellers' list for several weeks. I do take spontaneous trips. I do drive a convertible, even when it rains. Hell, I did go to Vegas for my one day off in May.  Maybe that IS me! Maybe I'm a "hell ya'" kinda girl. I have always been independent and self assured. Maybe I AM a role model for living life and trying new things?

Maybe, just maybe I've got great new adventures still ahead of me if I can muster my "can do "attitude and keep it rolling.

The Perfect Start

I like Mondays. In fact, I can even say I love most Mondays. I see it as a fresh start to a new week and the more enthusiasm you begin with, the better the odds for success. 

Here are the 5 things I treasure on a perfect Monday morning: 

1. Sunshine and flowers.

2. Someone to return your love. (When I dropped C off at school today, he hollared over his shoulder "I love you Mom" as he walked away." Melts my heart every single time!!) 

3.  Coffee & a little breakfast

4. 15 minutes of peace. No chores, no phone, no rushing.

5.  Optimism. And the inner strength that says, "I can do this. Today (and this whole week) are going to be good.

June 24th... a beautiful Monday. I hope yours is too!

Better than speeding

Last time I got a warning for speeding, the officer said to me, "Don't you have better things to do with $400?"

His words ring in my ears when I'm contemplating a splurge. As in.... "well, I could have blown that money on a speeding ticket, but wouldn't it be better spent on great concert tickets? "

I seem to be able to rationalize my way into better tickets at concerts and sporting events this way. Especially if I'm travelling. A trip is a delight, but you really need to ante up for the good seats if you're paying to be there anyway. Why spend $1000 to go to Arizona and then sit in the $100 seats when the $200 seats have a Club view and entrance and premium snacks?

You can even take a friend for the price of that speeding ticket!

Incidentally, I haven't EVER in this lifetime gotten a speeding ticket. Warnings... that's another story. But I have slowed down and I tend to think things through better now. Learnt my lessons.

Oh yeah, and these latest concert tickets.... Row B Aisle!!  That's an adrenaline rush in itself!

For once it wasn't the onions

I cry at work at least twice a week.

It's true. I have the most sensitive eyes. I really can't cut onions without crying. Sometimes even if one of the other girls is cutting onions, I cry. It's that ridiculous. But not this time.

Tonight's episode was because I served a hamburger to a joyful senior, two nights in a row. To take a step back you should know that we serve hundreds of people each week, perhaps even more than a thousand. Most are hungry and simply busy with their lives. We do a quick delicious take out meal, and they come and go without much fanfare. Very few people strike a chord with me in our brief conversations or time together.

However, yesterday, a smiling man of about 80 had my attention. He was ordering a hamburger at 7pm. He was bright and cheerful.... but joyful is simply the best word to describe him. He told me he hadn't had his dinner yet and was just picking up something for himself as he was on his way to sit with his wife at the care home. I asked if I could make anything for his wife. "Oh no, but thank you'' he replied stating that she'd eaten much earlier and he simply likes to sit with her in the evenings. But he told me I could cut the burger in half "just incase she wants a bite."

I thought his evening plans were lovely and his manner and grace with which he carried himself made me think that he was a perfect gentleman and, obviously, a loving husband. I thought that's where our story would end, but he came back again the next night. (Today)

He ordered the same, but added a side dish. He made a point of telling me that his wife did indeed try a bite and thought it was delicious! So he thought he'd best get another.

This made me pleased as punch and I set about to make another burger as best I could.  Prepared fresh, our burgers take about 12 minutes. He noted enthusiastically that he would just wait in the car, the Blue Jay's game was in the 16th inning and he was eager to hear how it ended. But he'd pop back into the restaurant in 12 minutes.

When the meal was ready I trotted out to the parking lot to find my new friend. He bubbled over thanking me for the "delivery service" and told me the game was in the bottom of the 17th inning. But once again the thing that struck me was his joy.  He expresses joy in the littlest of things, but with grand enthusiasm.

On my way back into the restaurant I thought about what rays of pure sunshine he must bring to his wife at the care home and everyone who resides there. I thought of how his devotion and sunny outlook on life are so rare. And that's when the tears hit. Not an onion in sight.

Last June I was stupid

Last June I bought about $300 worth of bikinis from Victoria Secret without ever trying them on.

I would rather pull a rusty nail out of my foot than try on a bathing suit at a local store. (There aren't any swimsuit stores where I live anyway, but even if there were.) I'm not exactly a model. And I have a huge scar, so I've always avoided mirrors and half nakedness anyway. None of this is new.

The stupid part is that last June, and parts of May and July too, I was skipping meals. Maybe eating 700 or so calories a day, so I could drop  5 or 10 pounds and look my best in those overpriced bikinis.

No, I'm not a kid. I should be a lot smarter than this, but I'm not. Or I wasn't.

Those fabulous bikinis were destined for use in the Turks and Caicos islands. This was a trip I'd dreamt of doing. It's currently rated the 3rd most spectacular beach on earth (and always in the top 10) by travel magazines and web sites. I just wanted to look "Top 10" too. I had wanted to go to the Turks for soooo long, I just wanted everything to be perfect. Somehow, I lost my way. My brain took a leave of absence thinking if I was skinnier things would be happier.

And while I looked about as good as I could, without any sort of surgical enhancements or air brushing or trick lighting, what was the point? No point at all. No one loves me any more. I didn't win the lottery, become President, cure Cancer or anything. All I really did was waste some money on some little chunks of fabric. Some of those bikinis didn't even make the cut... they were left at home and never saw the ocean. Did I enjoy the trip with my family any more than I would have if I was my regular, healthy, life-long weight? No.

Oh, and I did one of those ridiculous spa wraps where they essentially wrap you in saran wrap and steam your water weight out of you so you "lose inches." Embarrassing and dumb. That was evident in the moment.

Am I any smarter now? I'd like to think so. It's a year later. I'm a little more comfortable in my own skin. I'm indulging in tea and ice cream whenever I feel like it rather than depriving myself for vanity sake. I'm even bold enough to write about it and share my stupidity. Learn from my mistake. Enjoy life on your own terms. I think "bikini money" would be better spent on nutritious groceries and family activities. Vanity has a price in our society and that price is too high.

Change the Input... Affect the Outcome?

Most of my days start with a coffee and some procrastination. Most nights end with tea and ice cream. There are some assorted vegetables, some protein and some water in between. If I remember (which was one of my goals for this year) there are a few vitamin tablets added, generally with the tea.

Most days I start sluggish. I'm not really a morning person, or so I've always said. What if I'm just starting off wrong? What if, I pounded a glass of orange juice before I even brush my teeth and wake up?

What if I woke up and ran screaming out my front door? I'm certain my dogs would chase me and we'd end up laughing and barking like lunatics before I got to the road. The adrenaline would flow, and there'd be no snooze button action, that's for sure. (Especially since the puppy is like a wild panther. She could outrun her shadow!)

So if I change the input, will the outcome change too?  It sounds logical. Because if you do the same thing over and over and expect things to change aren't you just an idiot?

It's theme week!

Look, another blog post about the truck!

I went for a quick road trip yesterday. I put on about 500 km to go and see my mom. I don't see her often enough, so this trip felt overdue. Now, of course I chat with her regularly by phone, so don't think that I'm the worst kid in the world or anything. But, my chaotic life and work just keeps me from visiting as often as everyone would like.

In order to take this first 'roadie' with the new truck I had to make a new playlist. Music just for this truck and for this adventure. Then, en route I bought a Dr. Pepper. For me, a road trip requires these two things for certain.

Then all I did was drive. Deep in thought, and lost in music, the time flew by. Before I knew it I was in Mom's neighborhood picking up groceries and flowers and everything necessary for a perfect visit.

On the way, I got more familiar with my truck. It has a great 3 prong outlet you can use to charge anything. I like that. It has a back window that slides down. That makes it feel almost like a sunroof. The stereo is excellent, but I already knew that.

There, in the driver's seat,  with a few hours to myself I started to feel more like "me" again. I was reminded that with a little time and fresh air, distance and perspective I'm good.

To all the cars I've loved before

To the vehicles past... I say "thank you." They all served a purpose and were well suited to their time and place in my history.

Buying the new truck caused me to ponder nostalgically over the vehicles I've owned. So, here they are, in order, to the best of my recollection. Each had come to be used or "previously loved."

Late 80s Mustang
Early 90s Chevrolet Sprint
Early 90s Firefly Convertible
1996 Ford Contour
Mid 90s Cavalier Convertible
Buick Regal  (I had it for less than a year. It was white and old when I got it. Very vague memory)
2003 Ford Focus
2002 Mustang Convertible
1956 Nash Metropolitan
2007 Ford Sport Trac
1949 GMC 3100
2010 Nissan Titan

A Little Harsh

I may have been a little harsh in my mocking of the GMC Sierra.

I don't think even a Ferrari would have made me happy at the time. The only thing I wanted was to have MY truck back. It's like sleeping on the couch in your own house when you have company. It's fine and you're happy for the company... but all you really want is your own bed.

Nice to borrow a pair of shoes when you've forgotten yours.... but the only thing that really fits and makes you comfortable is your shoes.

I also might be a little weird about my vehicles. It's the one thing I'm obsessively possessive of. As in, I don't let anyone drive my truck, period. I can't imagine an occasion that I would ask or even consider letting anyone else drive it. Yes, you can borrow my shovel, my shoes, my lawnmower, just not my truck.

So, I'm sorry to the GMC Sierra for being a little snarky. Now that I'm back in a Titan, I'm good. It's right where I want to be. It's my happy place.

I Bought Beef Jerky

This is going to take a minute. Bear with me. At some point I'll make you laugh.

I've been driving a GMC Sierra truck for the last week. And this doesn't feel like "me." And today, in a mindless gas station stop to refuel the ugly beast I reached out to the impulse shelf at the gas station and bought beef jerky.

That was my first clue that something was wrong. I'm sure it's been 10 years, if not forever, since I bought salted dehydrated meat, never mind from a gas station. But that was, in the moment, what I had a hankering for. Ewww.

So what on earth has happened to me, and why am I driving a GMC Sierra?

An unfortunate set of circumstances has disabled my much-loved Titan. And until the sexy, powerful truck can be repaired, I was gifted a "loaner" vehicle to drive. So this 2012 Sierra was the best they could offer. Sure, it sounds fine until you realize the seat does not adjust in height, and that it has a column shifter that I seem to bump every time I reach for the radio dial. (Yes, I did say DIAL) So there I am sitting low... oh, did I mention it's a bench seat? (Good lord, I didn't realize that was still an option.)  Every time I reach for a knob or button or something it's in the wrong place. And it corners like a farm tractor.

Even so, after a few days, I have started to get used to it. And that's when I noticed the changes happening to me. I'm driving about 80km/hr in a 90. I'm taking the long way home, just to check on the neighbour's crops and cattle. I'm starting to rest my right arm on the back of the bench seat, and steer with my left hand. Good God, what's happening to me? And that's when I bought the beef jerky. Ugh. I NEED my Titan back before I start drinking 6 packs of OV off the tail gate.

This isn't me. I'm not in my element right now. I'm beginning to think that I should start a charity, or support group for people who are oppressed, depressed or dysfunctional from the exposure to unfortunate vehicle choices. It's like trying to walk in high heels when all you know is cowboy boots. Or trying to watch football when all you understand is the Arts.

People who drive "whatever" or something that is just good enough, are missing out on the joy of driving. To have something that expresses your personality, or even just suits your lifestyle, is to know happiness. As I used to say, there are two kinds of drivers in this world... convertible people and "unhappy roof people."  I now have to broaden my definitions, but you either ARE, or you AREN'T.... and I certainly "aren't" a GMC Sierra-type girl.

Pleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeease get me my Nissan Titan back soon. I'll never survive on beef jerky and OV.

Fast 5: Mother's Day Edition

Just a couple quick tips for the dads who struggle in this dept. Yes, dads it IS your responsibility to help the kids on this one.

1. Why haven't you made a dinner reservation yet? Oh boy, you're going to be eating at the burger joint now.... here's hoping they have a treat planned there too.

2. Nothing needs to be expensive. C'mon, it's your mom. She loves everything you do. Let the kids loose in the craft store or the bath/body store with $20. They'll come up with something.

3. Card. You need a card. You can't text your mom on this one.

4. Flowers. You can't beat roses in my opinion. Fresh cut, or a rose bush from the garden centre. They're all good.  If it's a rose bush the kids can plant it with mom.

5. Rest. Gosh, there's nothing mom wants more that a little break, a book, a nap, some free time. A little peace and quiet in the house. Then it's back to normal - there's no mom who doesn't love the laughter of her kids and a good hug.

Being a mom isn't easy, but loving your kids sure is. I happen to have the two greatest little charmers. They make me melt. Those blue eyes and mischievous smiles.... just like their mama!

I have this theory

My theory goes that if you are having a rotten day, you ought to look for someone you can help. There has to be someone worse off than you. So, rather than wallow in self pity, take the bull by the horns and try to change someone else's day for the better.

When you make someone else happy, you make yourself happy too. But it typically also starts a chain reaction of good karma.

Instead of being the one who says, "nobody ever buys me flowers" be the one who surprises a friend with flowers.

Rather than saying "I need", how about being the one who says..."I have this to give."

It sounds all very pollyanna.... which is not typical of my verse. However, I believe it to be true. Pay it forward. It will change your outlook. And it just might be the rainbow someone else is desperately looking for.

Back in the groove

Some things just feel right. 

I like a good groove. I like to feel like I'm firing on all cylinders and enjoying things to the fullest. When I'm at work in the kitchen, I like certain knives for certain tasks. I like things that make sense…. like fries and gravy. Not onion rings and gravy, That still doesn't make sense to me. I like certain products, not substitutes. I like Mother's Day specials in May and sundaes on Sundays. Call me crazy.

I like it when things go as predicted. I like to know what to expect. I'm sure I'm not the only one like this. 

I also like Spring weather in March and April. -20C and blizzards… that's supposed to be January.

Now, of course I like good surprises. Like sunshine on a day the weatherman said was going to suck. Or like tulips being delivered on a joyless Saturday. Great surprises like that, can turn your whole week around. 

These last few weeks have been very hard. I haven't felt right since that yellow handled knife broke on a Friday night, (I'm kidding…. well, sort of.) I replaced the knife but couldn't find my groove.  Nothing major, just out of sync. Hell, I haven't even felt like writing. 

Then I made a quick trip to Vegas. I laughed and laughed. I gambled. I sat in the sun and started to feel like myself again. 

This last week has been intense. No other way to describe it. I got the sunshine I needed. The help that saves the bacon, and the right knife to cut buns again. 

It all came together sitting at the patio, drinking a coke at the restaurant I own. It just felt right. Like the stress was leaving my body and I was at home where I should be. 

I love my restaurant, I love the people I work with and the people I see across the counter. (Ok, not all of them. Some make me want to call the cops.) This is where I need to be. This is where I'm happy. Next person who says I should get a real job, or that I only work half the year… they should try a week in my sneakers. But bring your own knife. I won't let just anybody use mine. 

Time's Flying

Time might be flying, but I'm not having fun.

These last couple weeks have been very challenging. I've had to summon my inner strength to keep going. And then I had to dig deeper and find the reserve supply of energy and faith and courage.

While I have managed to do this, it was not always with a smile on my face.

I'd make a lousy poker player. I don't bluff well. And when something bothers me, it's evident. When something thrills me, I react vividly as well... you'll see my eyes light up and I'll clap like a trained seal. I'm easier to read than a large print newspaper!

I try to see the glass half full. There's always someone worse off than me. I can walk, and travel, and cook my own meals. Luxuries not understood unless you are disabled or have had these privileges  taken away.

Perhaps this bad weather;  this extended winter was brought to us to teach us patience. Perhaps we are learning a valuable life lesson in endurance and resilience and patience. I'm starting to learn. But you will not catch me at a poker table!

Sweet Gestures

My older son doesn't get a lot of press. I don't write about him very often. That's not to say he's not notable. He's a wonderful boy, of strong character, great intelligence and warmth. He's pretty quiet, unless he's on a roll... then he could be a stand up comedian.

We don't travel often together, so there aren't that many stories from the road. He's very independent, like his mother, so he doesn't ask for much.

He's the kind of kid who'd grin ear to ear if you tossed him a $5 unexpectedly or bought a milkshake for him.

Lately, I've been working a lot. So I haven't seen that much of him. Tonight when I got home he gave me a hug. And asked if he could make me some tea. I was very touched by the gesture. Then he brought me the tea, and noted there was just a touch of sugar in it. Indeed, that's the way I like it. The fact that he knew that, and remembered and did it without prompting made me "glowy." What a great kid! The strong and silent type who sees what you do, what you like and also remembers it.

What a gesture! What a great kid! I'm so blessed. <3

Not another day.

I don't believe in a lot of things.

I don't believe in soul mates. I don't believe in luck, magic or anything really but hard work and timing.

But I do believe in ghosts. And I do believe those that you love and lose, never leave.

Case in point... my grandpa was my best friend. He was one of the greatest influences in my life, if not the greatest. Today is his birthday, though he passed away 18 years ago. March 27th always messes me up.  His wife, my grandmother, also died on the 27th.

It's also a day that I have to work. Have to. It's not something I can avoid. It's ok really, it's kind of fitting considering how incredibly hard he worked.  I get the uncommon work ethic from him.  That, and the 26th, a very privately difficult day, makes for a heck of an emotional week for me.

So here's my story:  I've been dreading this day for a while. I nearly burst into tears just looking at the calendar. And here it is again.

I'm sitting quietly and calmly watching TV alone just before midnight on the 27th and a song pops into my head. (Today, just now!) All the lyrics are clear as day. It makes me sing along, out loud, then laugh. Then I burst into happy tears. My grandpa had one song he sang. One song! I can't say that I heard it often, but it was the only one I ever remember and it brought such a smile to his face, and mine. As a kid I'd sing along.

The hilarity of the song is its irony. My grandpa was the most humble, modest, polite, gentle and hard working character. He did not drink alcohol, never smoked and was more honest and kind than anyone I'll ever know. The song is "Oh Lord, It's Hard to Be Humble." Even writing the title makes me crack a smile. And I can't help but laugh and smile when I hear it. And it's pretty impossible to be sad when you're singing along instinctively. It's a comical song!

Funny "fate" moment was when I bought my jukebox for my restaurant.... a huge, scary, leap of faith that was... I got a bunch of 45s with the jukebox. One of them was "his" song.  It made me think in some way it was a sign from him and that I would be "okay."

Coincidentally, I also signed the deal to the restaurant with a Viking Motors pen. A completely random pen that was on the counter at the Diner. That sent shivers to my core, because my other grandfather was the founder of Viking Motors. And believe me, there was no reason for that pen to be in that Diner, far far away from the town in which the dealership existed many years before. No reason at all for anyone to hand me that pen to ink the deal to sign and buy my restaurant.

Do my grandfathers keep a watchful eye on me? Yes. I believe they do.

Does it make me feel better? Yes. Yes it does. Because here on earth, I'm too stubborn, independent, driven, proud, bull headed and ridiculous to let any man take care of me.

I'm not sure my grandfathers would be completely proud of me. I do drink, swear, stay up late, and gamble a bit... but those are pretty rare occasions. 95% of everything I do I believe they'd smile and say "that's my girl."

So cheers Grandpa! I'll be making your favourite pie later today and singing our song. I miss you still. And always. Grandma too.

"Oh Lord, it's hard to be humble... when you're perfect in every way. I can't wait to look in the mirror... I get better looking each day! To know me is to love me. I must be a hell of a man. Oh Lord it's hard to be humble... but I'm doing the best that I can.

..... Some say that I'm egotistical, but I don't even know what that means! I guess it's got something to do with the way that I fill out my skin tight blue jeans! Ohhhhhh Lord it's hard to be humble...." 

xo

The Best Version of Me

The best version of me, is a 7 year old boy. Or at least that's how I see things when I look at my son.

He's a boy who knows when to give me a hug and he also knows when to say, "Mom, let's ditch this place and go have some fun."

"Hey Mom.... the music's not loud enough. I don't think the neighbours can hear it yet!"

Yes, he's a character. But he also has a work ethic. You might think that statement is ridiculous, unless you've seen him play hockey. If you've seen him play hockey and then you've seen the serious side that makes this defenseman a superstar. He gets in a zone before games... he's thinking about the opponents, his strategy, the goaltender and the best angles to score from.  I'm not kidding. Don't even try to have a non-hockey conversation with him pre-game.

Cj also loves seafood.... just like his mama. We were visiting Disneyworld last year and it was our scheduled day to tour Animal Kingdom. We're getting ready to leave the hotel for the park and he says to me... "Mom, what do you say we ditch Animal Kingdom and just go downtown and eat crab legs and have a drink on the deck? You know, we'll go to Fultons. It'll be way better!"

We'd been to Fulton's once before and enjoyed it. But that was 2 years earlier, when he was 4! Anyways, who am I to argue with the "better version of me" so that's exactly what we did... we went and had a leisurely day. I shelled over a pound of crab while he lapped it up and sipped his virgin margarita.

When we were in California, on our little hockey adventure, we had a blissful 2 hour lunch on the patio at Bloomingdales just people watching and savouring the 3 course lunch. Hard to believe any small boy would tolerate a 2 hour lunch... but mine does.

Don't ever offer him a Happy Meal... unless you want to get beat up. Lol!

He's a gem on a plane. He's 'Caesar Milan' with animals and he's a saint with his grandparents. He's brilliant in spelling and a 2x champion in the hockey leagues. He's 'Sergio Garcia" on the golf course... a natural, with spirit.

Did I mention he has model good looks, impeccable manners and looks dashing in a tuxedo?

I'm so proud to be his mama. I like to think he has taken the best of me and improved upon it and made it his own. It still scares me sometimes... to hear my words from his lips... to share his thoughts and predict his next move as if it were my own.  He'll make his own mistakes, as I have made mine. But I just hope he has a good foundation to grown on and continues to make his days fulfilling and happy.