A Few Things I'm Proud Of in a Life Without Regrets

Should I perish in some tragic accident, I shall rest peacefully knowing that I showed my kids how to live fully, and value their family and community.

I will never regret letting my toddlers eat off the good china. If we had company for dinner, it was a special occasion! We all celebrated together, even if the neighbours were just coming over for stew. No piece was ever damaged and the kids always loved having "fancy dinners."

I will never regret showing my children the lessons of charity. To give, to share and to honour your community is a critical citizenship lesson, in my humble opinion. Seeing my kids deliver Christmas Hampers, or even donate their old hockey sticks to the community centre, always makes me swell with pride.

I will never regret the time and money spent travelling with my children. Seeing the world and sharing the experiences brought us closer and gave us some amazing memories.

I will never regret baking cookies at midnight or hosting spontaneous dance parties. Even if it meant blasting the routine of bedtime or leaving a messy kitchen, it was so worth it. Family dance parties and kitchen limbo contests... well, that's some fun stuff.

I will never regret giving the kids a little spending money of their own, and showing them how to earn more. Chores are not evil. Helping to look after yourself, your home and your family is essential information. And hard work should be rewarded. Perhaps someday my kids will be employers and perhaps this lesson will resonate deeply.

I will never regret having animals in our house and in our lives. The doggie "siblings" were some of the first friends the kids had and they taught them so much about empathy, respect, responsibility, kindness, love and even health.  Some people say dogs are too much work. Well, for me, they complete a family. My house doesn't feel right without a dog.

I will never regret any money spent with their safety in mind. Whether it's a high end piece of hockey equipment or snow tires to take them to games safely, it's worth every penny. Insurance, bike helmets, seat belts and more were always in the budget. Keeping my kids safe, is, of course, priceless.

I will never regret any time spent writing. Whether it is in their journals, baby books, blogging here or even "I love you" notes in their lunches it will help them know who their mother is. And one thing they will know for certain, through my actions and words, is how much I love and cherish them.

Wearing a Target

I don't know if it's true or just a lousy coincidence, but it seems to me that my little league hockey superstar is wearing a target.

In the last seven days he has been knocked around significantly in a little kid, no hitting league. Whether you call it boarding, body-checking, body contact, accidental contact, charging or whatever, it's not allowed. At the novice level, there is no hitting.

And yet, C took a hit so hard into the boards that the team nurse had to take him for the concussion exam. That was one game.  Right at the end of the game. (Unfortunate.)

The next game he played he took a skate to the thigh which came with a secondary forceful kick and resulted in a black and green bruise the size of a puck.  That was his first shift that game. (Coincidence?)

Tonight's game, his team was leading 8-2 or something. We don't keep score if the spread is more than 6. It could have been 14-2 but the scoreboard would only ever show 8-2. I think that's fair and appropriate. What is NOT fair or appropriate is a deliberate slash and shove which takes my kid out at the ankles and into the boards. This results in him being carried to the locker room. With 2 minutes left in the game. (Now I'm mad.)

Yes, I get it. He often has the puck. Yes, he rushes up the boards. Yes, it's frustrating when your team is losing. Yes, he's fast and hard to catch. But here's the thing.... he IS THE SAME AS YOUR CHILD... absolutely precious. He loves hockey. He loves the fast paced game and he loves to have fun.

Why do I feel like he is wearing a target? Why is this making my blood boil?

I get these are all young kids and they get frustrated when they are losing or can't keep pace, but why are they acting out towards other players in an angry, malicious way? I stop short of saying "with intent to injure" on purpose... Because I can't in my heart believe anyone of the players would ever want to cause a serious injury. But damn it, we are getting close.

I will not blame their aggression on professional hockey. I will not suggest the NHL game is too violent, but I am stretching to find anything else to explain it.

For the record... my kid is no suck. He has a higher pain threshold than my other son. As evidenced by their simultaneous ear aches and bike injuries where doctors marvel that he isn't screaming when his brother is.  If C says he's hurt, he's hurt.

So what am I to do, as his mother?  But also his HOCKEY MOM. He lives to play. I live to see him play and be happy. I understand the sport and love the sport.  I can't protect him on the ice. (Though I surely was tempted to jump the boards and attend to his injury myself tonight.)

I'm not innocent in any of this either. Last year he took a bad hit, smacked his head and sat out a game. He wasn't hurt, but scared. The next game he played I got waved to the bench because he wanted to quit mid game. That was the pivotal moment when (without really giving it serious thought) I took him by the shoulders, looked him in the eye and said "no, you don't quit. You are not a quitter and your team can not do it without you. You are faster and stronger than anyone on the ice and they DO NOT push you around. Get in there and out skate them. Beat them on the scoreboard."  Since then, he's never questioned it.

Maybe at that moment I made the wrong choice. Maybe I should have taken him out, walked away from the season and enrolled him in soccer, or wrapped him in a bubble and settled for less physical pursuits. But that's not him and that's not me.

So, instead I'm wide awake while the rest of the world sleeps. And at dawn I will drive him, on snowy highways, to his game because it's Saturday. And that's what happens on Saturdays when you are a hockey family and your son plays little league. Whether his ankle is too swollen to put on a skate, or even if it hurts to walk and he does't play, we'll at least be there with the team.

I'm going to have faith that these accidents are just accidents, and sometimes bad things happen in threes. However, you can rest assured that I'm going to keep a watchful eye on this and I will file formal complaints against players and coaches who identify or label my C as a target. Because that's what any hockey mom would do and that's exactly what HIS hockey mom will do.

Fast 5 Travel Tips: How to roll with the punches

Not everything is going to go smoothly in life, or on vacation. There will be delays, detours and unplanned events. It doesn't have to derail the good times. Here's how to roll with it, and keep smiling.

1. Bring your confirmation numbers and receipts. Especially if you booked with a 3rd party like Expedia or Hotwire etc. Having proof at your fingertips will make for a more smooth check-in even when the hotel has no record of your booking.

2. Plane delay.... these things happen. Yelling at the desk agent will not help. If there's a chance to re-route, you can often do it yourself quickly and without charge at the self-help kiosk.  Get the seats on the next plane out before someone else does.

3. Rain or inclement weather ruining your planned hike or day at the amusement park? Don't disappoint the kids.... have an indoor backup plan ready to go. A quick call to the concierge will work if you hadn't pre-planned something.

4. Sick child? If it's not serious, and they just need to rest at the hotel, this is a great time to divide & conquer. Have one parent take the other kid(s) out for some personal time. The parent left on nurse duty will get to go out on their own later when it's time to switch off. Don't forget to bring back a treat for the ailing child.

5. Keep smiling. See the bright side of things! Remember you're on vacation. You could be at home doing laundry!

Mama's got some new shoes!

My dad's a great guy. That isn't news. I bought new sneakers too. But that's hardly worth writing about, until of course, you put those two things together.

My dad is a retired military Captain. When he speaks, I listen. Each year for my birthday he gives me some spending money and a personal request to actually spend it on myself. He knows me well. Without his request, the money would go towards house bills, or something for the kids etc. It's rare for me to think of myself first. But each year I honour his request and indeed I look forward to it. It's not just permission to splurge on myself, it's an order!

Other years I've bought sunglasses or jackets, sometimes perfume or clothes. It seems to be one of the only times I get all "girly" and buy myself something from a mall or department store.  This year, I thought I'd follow more along the lines of the example he sets.

My dad is an athlete. He will probably gasp at me using that term, but it's true. He has always played tennis or badminton about 10+ hours a week, coached sports, watched sports and participated in everything we did as kids. He's a role model. As I get older I take my health more seriously too. It's not an age thing or a vanity thing, it's simply I want to be around for my kids and be able to keep up with them. And I do consume a whole lot more cheeseburgers than the average gal, so I need to work a little harder in the gym than most as well.

My dad skated with us after school, and I intend to do the same with my kids. I should say "keep doing" because I have skated with them on occasion and will continue to do so. We also hike and swim and play baseball (sometimes with random vegetables) and other crazy-fun games.

Back to the sneakers.  The last pair of runners I bought I think I put 500 miles on recreationally. Then I started wearing them to work. I pretty much worked them into the ground. They are done. I wore every last mile out of them. We hiked a mountain together in Arizona. We cruised the neighbourhoods in Colorado and we've run through an airport to catch a plane. Time to say goodbye & thank you to those old shoes.

The new ones should be warned.... they're not going to sit in the closet. They're not going to be like some sort of trophy or gym pass. I did not buy them to sit on a shelf.  I splurged and got Merrells because they fit my feet and my active lifestyle.  Merrell Shoes

I feel like I splurged a little. But they're worth it. I will, of course, personally thank my dad for the gift, but I also thank him for being a role model. An active lifestyle, and one where you participate in activities with your kids is a life worth celebrating. I'm lucky to have people in my life who remind me to look after myself and every now and then, celebrate ME.  And what girl doesn't like to celebrate with new shoooooz??

I Must Be a Lot of Fun!

Either I'm a lot of fun, or my family just really loves to travel.

Each year we try to take at least one trip together as a family, but somehow that's just not enough for these people! We're not home even a week post-vacation, before someone secretly takes me aside and says something to the effect of, "that was fun, but don't you think it would be better if just you and I went _______." Now, you can fill in that blank with just about any destination. They've asked for the world at one point or another.

Usually first to ask for a private adventure, is my 7 year-old son. CJ loves to travel. His passport is embarrassingly full of stamps. He wants to go to the classic family destinations, like Disney World.

Ry, who is 10, loves cruises. He thinks a Caribbean cruise would be just the perfect thing for the two of us. He likes the all-inclusive feel, and round the clock service and activity of a cruise ship.

My husband likes the classic couples' weekends, like Vegas or Montreal. Both cities have so much to offer. He likes the weekend getaways... quick, exciting and to the point. Plus, it's hard for us to leave the kids for more than a three day weekend.

Individual trips, tailored to individual tastes are great. I have no problem with them at all. Each child gets some personal parenting time and I like to think that I get to know each of them better thanks to "solo" trips.

While Ry didn't get a cruise, he did get a 5 day hockey road trip (and a whole whack of hockey gear) just a few months ago. CJ indeed got Disney last November and the hubby and I just returned from Vegas.

For me, it feeds the beast. That inner voice of mine that says.... "where to next?" Little trips stoke the fire until we can align our schedules and jet off to our next great family adventure.

My Best Back to School Tip

STOP... and give me 15!!!

So what do I mean? Well, when my two boys burst through the door after school each day I tell them to "stop, and give me fifteen" minutes of their time for chores. Fifteen minutes is no big deal. You can even put it on a timer. But I do my best to enforce it every school day, the minute they burst through the door. Otherwise, you know what happens... the TV flips on, or they start playing with their iPods, scavenging for food or otherwise just destroying the house. And then the evening gets away on you and it's dinner and bed and nothing has been accomplished by the minors in the household.

In 15 minutes they can complete one or maybe two tasks. Things as simple as these:
- tidying up their bedroom from the morning rush
- organizing the shoes at the front door
- walking and feeding the dogs
- taking out the garbage
- sweeping the floor
- putting away their own laundry
- gathering their equipment for the next hockey game
- writing a quick thank you note to someone
- putting away groceries
- setting the table

During that 15 minutes, I prepare a quick and healthy snack for them. (We all know kids burst through the door hungry each day after school.)  Things like crackers and cheese, veggies, or whole grain tortilla chips and salsa usually do the trick.

Then, they can get to doing their after school "chillaxin" and I can work at getting dinner ready without the added burden of doing their chores as well, or tripping over them as they scavenge for food in the kitchen.

Organizing with children

Organizing a home is a big job. Living with children now makes that job seem like the ocean tides... endlessly washing in and out.  Clothes, toys, books in, and clothes, toys, books out.  It can be overwhelming at times. Where do you start?

Today I'm going to tackle laundry in this blog. Whether your child is a teen or a toddler, I'm going to suggest a fashion show.  When you propose the fashion show to your child, dangle a "carrot" at the end of the chore. Whether their reward is one NEW item to add to their closet, or a ticket to a movie, the reward in this case is important.

Secondly, you are going to give them a little talk about why donating clothes or giving them to a friend or cousin is important.  The goal will be to take each category down by two, if possible. Meaning, if they have 8 sweaters, choose 2 to donate/sell/eliminate.

Before you move into action, clean off the bed and make it. You will use this as your sorting surface. The bed is nearby and big enough for this task.  Also have a cardboard box as your "donation catcher."

Start with this question:  Is there anything in this closet that you just don't like or don't want anymore?  If yes, grab it quick and toss it in the donation bin. DON'T try to talk them out of this toss. It could de-rail the process. So even if you like the sweater they want to toss... bite your tongue. Anything damaged, stained or beyond repair should just get tossed out.

Next step... Ask them if they've outgrown anything?  This is where the fashion show begins.  Cue the music. This should be a fun activity. Seriously, cue the music.

The third step is to group like items and get them to select their favourites (jeans, sweaters, skirts etc) . Favourites get to go back to the closet. The 2 least favourites go to the donation bin. Think... "American Idol" elimination.

If you get into negotiations, ask them to put the item on. Then ask your (teen) what they would wear with it? Where would they wear it?   When will they wear it?   (This negotiating step doesn't work with toddlers, and we've likely exhausted their attention by this point anyway.)

Finally, look for places to donate items that add value for you. For example: Please Mum stores in Canada are offering store credit when you bring them clothes (clean, no damage). It's 50 cents or a dollar credit per item, but it can add up to new clothes from their store.  For your teen, Warehouse One is offering $10 credit on a pair of new jeans when you give them your old ones. Until Feb 26th only, at participating stores.

Don't forget this method can be applied to your own closet. When was the last time you had a fashion show for yourself, or your spouse?