Raising a Spoilt Border Collie

Our Belle, is a great dog. She's still young, and has more energy than an atom, but she's still an absolutely great dog! I love her like crazy.  She's never going to replace the love and lifetime with Oreo and Mocha, but she's definitely part of this family and we're having lots of fun together.

What she has taught me already is that we spoil her. And you know for certain you have a spoilt dog when:

1) they get more bed space than you do

2) they are absolutely insulted when you buy generic dog treats

3) when the "no dogs allowed" rule (for new furniture) lasts 2 days

4) when she destroys your shoes and you say, "they were uncomfortable and I didn't like them anyway" and toss the shoes without even scolding her

5) never finish a meal without giving them a taste

6) you turn the volume down on the TV so you don't wake the sleeping dog next to you

7) your dog has more toys than you ever did

8) you spend more time and money in pet stores than you do the hair salon

9) if you have ever considered doggie daycare

10) have monogrammed ornaments and a stocking for your dog at Christmas

Pretty quiet. But not pretty at all!

I've been pretty quiet lately. I've hardly done any writing. This is because I'm on auto-pilot.

After working the last 55 consecutive days, without a day off, I'm basically a robot. A robot with deteriorating looks and deteriorating ability to function.

A regular customer, a person I would even consider a friend, summed it up the other day like this: "Cath... Aw, you look like crap. I mean, you'll bounce back, but how much more of this can you take?"

All I heard was "you'll bounce back" and I'm thinking.... I usually CAN, but what if I CAN'T this time? What if there is no amount of $200 eye cream and night serum that will ever restore my outer glow? Lord knows at this point, the inner "glow" is pretty much gone.

So, I agree, 55 days is not healthy. Not a good idea. I wouldn't recommend it.  But truthfully, days 35-45 were the hardest. I was still hoping for a day off at that point. Now, I've pretty much given up wanting/hoping/expecting/planning for a day off, and that, frankly, that has made it easier. Now that I've resigned myself to the fact that each day the sun rises and sets, I must attend to the restaurant... I'm ok with it. I know what I need to do.

Failure simply isn't an option. Either is getting sick. On that note, I'd highly recommend Cold-FX and washing your hands 800 times a day. It works. Seriously.

Now some days are easier than others. And an 8 hour day feels like a cake walk. It's practically a day off kind of feeling. Even the kids are in shock and awe if I'm home in daylight. Mom... you're home??? It's not, "Mom... you're home!!!" It's said with a much more suspicious and "what's wrong" kind of tone.

Mondays used to be my favourite day. Kind of a slack day, meant for cleaning and getting caught up at work. And now, the last 2 Mondays have been complete and total, unpredictable, you-would-not-believe-me-if-I-told-you kind of gong show days. I'm pretty much scared of Mondays now. So I think I will just stick to referring to days of the week, by their numbers. As in, hey.... happy day 56.

So I'm just going to stop typing now and pretty much shut up. I'm sure we both agree this isn't pretty.

Don't worry.... I'll bounce back. Maybe.

You know you're tired when....

...you can fall asleep sitting in a chair working. I believe I sat upright and slept hours last night with my hands on a keyboard.The last thing I saw was 4AM on the clock. Doing schedules and analyzing data and planning promotions. That's glamourous stuff to be doing all night.

...you know you are tired when: you put ketchup on your own hot dog. And you don't even like ketchup!

...you know you are tired when you can't find the words any more and just point to things as a means of expressing what you want.

...you know you're tired when you consider coffee as a priority, not a beverage.

--you know you're tired when you fall asleep before the child you're reading to.

...you know you're tired when you start setting 6 alarms in the morning because you already sleep through the first 5.

Business Owner's Bad Math

I own a restaurant. We are open 7 days a week, including all holidays. But by design, it's merely seasonal. We are closed in the dead of winter, and thank goodness for that because I really can't keep up this pace more than 250 days a year.

Closed 115 days a year? Over 100 days off.... that sounds amazing, right? Well, lets do the math. It's exactly the same as a person working 5 days a week and having weekends off. That "regular worker" would get 2 days off, each of 52 weeks (plus stat holidays) so they are off likely 115 days a year. Same!

But, the pace is really hard to keep up without a solid sanity break here and there. I'm not bragging. I freely admit I must actually be crazy for working like this.

Let's look at August, shall we? With staff departures and holidays, and sudden staff illness I ended up working every single day in August, except for the 1st.  I worked (in the restaurant) from August 2nd to 30th consecutively. Each day was a 12 hour day, except for 4 days. Of those 4 days, I worked two days at just 8 hour shifts, plus two 5's. (For interest, I used my one half day to drive out of town to run errands and do chores/visit my mother. The other, I got my hair and nails done.)

12 x 26 = 312
2 x 8 = 16
2 x 5 = 10

That's 338 hours in the building and/or rushing to grab supplies.  This does NOT include time spent in my home office planning meals, doing schedules, preparing advertisements, and the other "brain" tasks outside of the physical serving, cleaning, cooking which is required on site.

So if a "regular worker" works 7.5 hours a day, 5 days a week, it would take them just over 9 weeks to complete 338 hours of work.

So, by my bad math, I worked 9 weeks in August!!! LOL  Agreed. It's not healthy, or sane. But when others were calling in sick, and the show must go on in a 7 day a week operation, that's what the owner does. After all, it's my name on the wall and my reputation at risk.

The bigger question is really... what WEREN'T you doing in August?  Well, I can honestly say that I have gone another whole summer without going to the lake or camping. I didn't go fishing or hiking or to a beach either. I certainly didn't go out partying or out for dinners. I didn't have a bonfire with my kids or even touch a BBQ. I did not attend a concert or go to any fairs or festivals. I really didn't do any "summer" things that people enjoy in this part of the country. I had one drink on a patio... so I guess that was good! LOL

What I DID do, was dedicate 8 days in early July to a family vacation. It was certainly good to get out of town. But the fact remains, since that vacation, I have worked my ass off and am physically in desperate need for another break.

I find myself in a little rut. I'm like a carnival pony. As long as I keep my head down and my feet moving, things will stay on track. And as long as this little carnival pony can see a vacation (my "carrot") dangling in the distance, I should be able to keep going. It's not easy! But easy is never worth it.

As my new favourite proverb, I'll lastly note: Opportunity looks a lot like hard work...and for those who really know me, they KNOW I've never been shy about hard work.

Just not there

I'm still not ready to write about Oreo.

Oreo was my nearly 17 year old dog that passed away in July. She was a huge part of our lives. Oreo was not a purebred. In fact, she was a "found" pup that no one ever claimed. But she was a Border Collie to the core. So smart. So fast, so agile and so loyal. So loyal.

I still am not ready to write her story.  I'm still not in the place where I can get past the tears and find the words. There will be a day. But it's not today.

Too many moms saying "NO"

I spend a lot of time standing behind a counter at an ice cream store and what I hear is "not for me" from so many women.

Picture this... a family of six people come in for dessert. The are on a joy-filled family outing with the Grandparents. The children are thrilled to order ice cream. They can't wait! Grandpa knows he wants a maple walnut sundae and Dad orders a dipped cone. Grandma says "oh, I'd like that too. But just a baby one. Can I get a kiddie size?"

Then it's Mom's turn to order. "Nothing for me, thanks." The Grandpa turns to her and says, "come on dear, I'm buying."  And the Mom replies in one of several ways, but saying the same thing"... not for me."

She might say: 1)  I can't... I'm on a diet.  2) I shouldn't.... I had a brownie three days ago. 3) I really have to pass....these jeans barely fit me now.  4) No.... If I eat that I'll have to run 10 miles tomorrow. 5) That sundae sounds good Dad, maybe I'll just try a bite of yours.

At this point in the ordering process, Grandma might back out of her order too, in a show of solidarity. "You're right dear, I've had too many sweets already this week. Forget my baby cone" she tells me. Sadly, this is a setback for her now too... just when she was getting comfortable treating herself once in a while (A privilege she finally felt she earned with age).

My concern here is not the sales. My concern is that I hear loud and clear, repeatedly, and from women of all shapes and sizes that they are not ENTITLED to a little taste of joy with their families. They are putting more value on body image than PARTICIPATING in the activity. It's not about eating ice cream, or dessert, I feel it is about mothers constantly saying no to themselves and distancing themselves from the norm.

What are these actions teaching our daughters? And our sons?

Children don't see this abstinence from dessert as an act of willpower or strength, they see it as another denial of play. Just the same as when a mom says no to playing catch or building a Lego castle, and washes dishes in the kitchen instead. Mom is NO FUN! She NEVER PLAYS with us. She doesn't even want to have ice cream with us!

The same scenario plays out at Old Navy, or in Safeway or at the gift store.  Moms are happy to buy new clothes/favourite cereal/presents for their children and others, but are reluctant to say "yes" to themselves?  Is it money? I don't think so. I just think society has conditioned moms to put others first and in some cases, deprive herself completely.  This is why we refer to spa days or getting our hair done as an indulgence. "I splurged." Like getting your nails done requires some sort of confession to, or a pardon from, a higher authority.  I have never heard a man rationalize his ice cream purchase or say out loud that he "splurged" on a case of beer or a new fishing rod.

All we need to say is "YES." Forget the speech about why you "shouldn't" or how you will pay for your sin later. Just say yes. "Yes, thank you, I'll have the hot fudge sundae... with nuts."

Don't believe me? Watch your kids' eyes light up when you say, "can I play catch with you?" or "Hey, let's go grab a couple of those ice cream sandwiches you love. I bet I can eat a whole one today!"

Not My Best

I'm not having a good time of things lately. I mean, it's ok. I don't, or shouldn't have much to complain about because it appears I lead a very fulfilled life but I'm simply not feeling any sense of happiness or success, even in little things right now.

Work has challenges. When you are the boss, you have to deal with the good and the bad. Again, that's life. It just seems like I'm letting too many people dictate to me. I need to get back to making the decisions that are right for the business, and worry less about who is or isn't going to be happy in the short term. I strive to be a great employer. I want to see people meet their personal goals and have success in their lives but I may have to focus more on numbers and less on emotions in the future.

Secondly, my kids aren't happy with me. I provided a less-than-thrilling summer vacation. And right now their "love" for me seems to be based on what I am or am not going to do to impress them next. So, that's a personal failure. And I have no interest in working myself into the grave just to please people who are not willing to put their own dishes in the dishwasher.

Thirdly, and most heartbreaking is the loss of my beloved Oreo. Oreo was my first dog. She came into my life nearly 17 years ago, as a cold and scared abandoned puppy and I have loved her every day since. Every night she would be there to greet me in the yard when I arrived from work. She enjoyed great health and a full life until her last day. Now that she's gone, there's just a big empty hole in my heart. It's only been 7 days and frankly, no one feels the gravity of this loss like I do.  Well, except for our 10 month old puppy Belle. Belle is crying and mournful every night, still looking out the window, waiting for her four-legged bestie to come home.  And I know exactly how she feels.

Then, I lost my "carrot." What on earth is that supposed to mean? Well.... I can work days and weeks without a day off as long as I see a reward or "carrot" in the future. If I have something to look forward to and motivate me, I can keep focused and on task. For months I have looked forward to attending the Rod Stewart concert in Las Vegas. I've probably talked about going for a year or so. I don't genuinely have a Bucket List or anything written down, but this was as close to anything that I really wanted to do for ME.

Since purchasing the (really awesome) tickets, months ago, I stayed focused and little by little put the pieces of a perfect 2 day trip together. I bought a dress and shoes. I also had my nails and hair and makeup done. I splurged and paid for a hotel next to the concert theatre. It took months, and a lot of money to make this little dream come true. We rushed through, what could have been an awesome dinner evening, to make it to the concert.

Then.... the concert was cancelled in the hour it was supposed to commence. So, there I stood, all dressed up with tickets in hand. Concert hosts/organizers had nothing much to say other than we should look into exchanging the unused tickets for another date. (November or after)  Pardon? "Better luck next time?" Ugh.  Don't I feel like a great big Cinderella fool? All dressed up for the ball and there's no ball.

My concert companion was not looking forward to the event. He was being dragged there and was placating me because it was my special thing. So, there was no let down for him. Maybe relief even. Hard for someone to console you or woe with you, when they don't really give a damn.

So... all and all, there's nothing tragic in my life. I have no right to complain in the big scheme of things but it just seems I can't possibly get a break.  I make jokes to hold back the tears but.... well, I guess I should have forwarded that chain letter eh? The people on Facebook warned of bad luck if I didn't forward to 30 friends in 2 minutes.... oh nevermind. I can't even make myself laugh right now.