I'm not having a good time of things lately. I mean, it's ok. I don't, or shouldn't have much to complain about because it appears I lead a very fulfilled life but I'm simply not feeling any sense of happiness or success, even in little things right now.
Work has challenges. When you are the boss, you have to deal with the good and the bad. Again, that's life. It just seems like I'm letting too many people dictate to me. I need to get back to making the decisions that are right for the business, and worry less about who is or isn't going to be happy in the short term. I strive to be a great employer. I want to see people meet their personal goals and have success in their lives but I may have to focus more on numbers and less on emotions in the future.
Secondly, my kids aren't happy with me. I provided a less-than-thrilling summer vacation. And right now their "love" for me seems to be based on what I am or am not going to do to impress them next. So, that's a personal failure. And I have no interest in working myself into the grave just to please people who are not willing to put their own dishes in the dishwasher.
Thirdly, and most heartbreaking is the loss of my beloved Oreo. Oreo was my first dog. She came into my life nearly 17 years ago, as a cold and scared abandoned puppy and I have loved her every day since. Every night she would be there to greet me in the yard when I arrived from work. She enjoyed great health and a full life until her last day. Now that she's gone, there's just a big empty hole in my heart. It's only been 7 days and frankly, no one feels the gravity of this loss like I do. Well, except for our 10 month old puppy Belle. Belle is crying and mournful every night, still looking out the window, waiting for her four-legged bestie to come home. And I know exactly how she feels.
Then, I lost my "carrot." What on earth is that supposed to mean? Well.... I can work days and weeks without a day off as long as I see a reward or "carrot" in the future. If I have something to look forward to and motivate me, I can keep focused and on task. For months I have looked forward to attending the Rod Stewart concert in Las Vegas. I've probably talked about going for a year or so. I don't genuinely have a Bucket List or anything written down, but this was as close to anything that I really wanted to do for ME.
Since purchasing the (really awesome) tickets, months ago, I stayed focused and little by little put the pieces of a perfect 2 day trip together. I bought a dress and shoes. I also had my nails and hair and makeup done. I splurged and paid for a hotel next to the concert theatre. It took months, and a lot of money to make this little dream come true. We rushed through, what could have been an awesome dinner evening, to make it to the concert.
Then.... the concert was cancelled in the hour it was supposed to commence. So, there I stood, all dressed up with tickets in hand. Concert hosts/organizers had nothing much to say other than we should look into exchanging the unused tickets for another date. (November or after) Pardon? "Better luck next time?" Ugh. Don't I feel like a great big Cinderella fool? All dressed up for the ball and there's no ball.
My concert companion was not looking forward to the event. He was being dragged there and was placating me because it was my special thing. So, there was no let down for him. Maybe relief even. Hard for someone to console you or woe with you, when they don't really give a damn.
So... all and all, there's nothing tragic in my life. I have no right to complain in the big scheme of things but it just seems I can't possibly get a break. I make jokes to hold back the tears but.... well, I guess I should have forwarded that chain letter eh? The people on Facebook warned of bad luck if I didn't forward to 30 friends in 2 minutes.... oh nevermind. I can't even make myself laugh right now.
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