Things I didn't know...

Five years ago, there are many things I didn't know about myself. Things I could not have predicted. I should work on a big list, but right now I'll just share 3.

1) I didn't know how important my hockey family would be. The kids' teammates, parents and coaches are the people we spend the most time with. And, they are really great. They are so supportive of all the kids. I know if my child needed something.... anything, from $2 for juice or advice, or a kick in the rear, they would do it. And I would definitely do it for them and their kids. After a few years of the same core group growing together, I can really say this has improved my quality of life, sense of community and belonging.

2) A year is a long time. But it is absolutely nothing either. When you are stuck in the day to day, it can feel like nothing is accomplished, but when you reflect back on a year, it can seem like a lifetime ago. I really do think social media, like Facebook and Twitter have screwed with our sense of time. When we can receive updates from around the world, every hour, or even by the minute, it affects our sense of personal time and accomplishment. But so much of the information is white noise.

3) I didn't recognize 5 years ago that I'm a runner. Not in the literal sense. I wouldn't strap on sneakers and run unless someone scary was chasing me. But in the personality sense... I flee. When I stress, I want to flee/run/bolt/escape.  I've read, that it's easier to change your location, than your life and that's why people travel. For me, I think that nails it.  I have learnt that I LOVE travel. It's a passion. But I also don't think it's about the destination, or learning or exploring. I honestly think I can say it's my sanity break or my re-start button. Now, I don't think this is earth shattering, or unique but I'm glad to have recognized it.

Best of 2013

I shudder to think about writing this year in review. I pretty much hated this year and frankly, I can't wait for it to end and get a fresh start with 2014.  This is simply my raw, generalized opinion of the year as a whole. However, when I pause to consider events and activities as individual moments, there were some pretty good times. I'll try to focus on those.

So, in no particular order... my best memories of 2013: 

Best meal:  A crepe in a casino! I was absolutely sober, and it was mid-day, but damn that crepe from the Aria Hotel & Casino in Las Vegas was amazing! The raspberries were so fresh and flavourful you'd think they were photoshopped in your mouth! Karen & I had incredible meals that whole trip.

Where I should have sat to see the concert.  

Where I got to sit instead! 

Rod Stewart 12 feet away & singing my song! 

Best compliment: A concert usher, at Caesar's Palace said to me "you're too pretty to sit in the back row. Here, take these tickets and sit up front."  And that's how we saw the Rod Stewart concert from the good seats! Seriously, an unbelievably lucky moment.

Best song: Well, you see, Rod Stewart kinda sang "Some Guys Have All The Luck" to me, at the above mentioned concert. He was looking at me, winked, and was belting out his signature hit. So, yeah, that ROCKED!

Best bliss: Late January, on a heated patio, in Newport Beach California, I was sipping a raspberry lemon drop martini while the music of Simply Red quietly played in the background. My 7 year old son  was exhausted and completely enthralled with the events of the day. He drifted asleep next to me, telling me how much he loved being my travel buddy and just hanging out with me.

Best scream: I rode a roller coaster. It was California Screamin' at Disneyland, and boy did I scream!  And since I've spent a lifetime avoiding these types of rides and saying "I don't do roller coasters" it was a pretty big deal. I'm glad I did it. It's good to face your fears.

Best "why the hell not" moment:  I let my awesome hair dresser dip dye the ends of my blonde hair bright pink. What a great conversation starter and fun two weeks! It washed out and didn't stain my blonde hair. No harm at all.

Best silver lining. My 3 year old truck was damaged beyond your imagination during a routine oil change. The Titan needed a new transmission and a re-build on its engine. That was absolutely unbelievable and caused WEEKS of grief. During this time every man in my life and those associated with the issue talked down to me and did their best to make me feel like a stupid girl in a man's world. I hated that! Ultimately, the insurance of the dealership that destroyed my truck paid for all repairs, and in the end, I traded in the old truck for a brand new Titan. Of course there was 100% disclosure on the trade in. So, my "silver lining" in this experience was getting my first brand new vehicle ever. And it's silver. And I like it alot. Of course, I have to pay for it, and had to renegotiate my loan during this ordeal, but the dealership that sold me the new Titan was fantastic and really had my back in the process. Friends for life!

Best upgrade: $50 and a little Canadian charm got me upgraded from the basic room (read "cheapest room at the hotel") to the Bellagio Suite at the Bellagio Hotel in Vegas. The suite had 3 bathrooms, a living room, a dining room and just total overall awesomeness.  The robes were so awesome, I had to buy one! That robe makes me feel like a princess every time I put it on.

Best history experience:  Touching the space shuttle Adventure, as it was on display at the Johnson Space Centre in Houston Texas. Everything in that NASA museum was an incredible glimpse into history.... history that has pretty much happened in my parents' lifetime. That was cool. Really cool.

Best kid moment: When my little one took my hand and said "let's do this" and led me on stage to sing karaoke on our Disney cruise. We sang "our" song and did a heck of a job on it! I'd never ever sung karaoke before. That was another fear and check on the bucket list accomplished this year.

Best instant party: My son's hockey team won the championship and he hollers "free ice cream" in the locker room and invites everyone back to our diner for a celebration. Since it was only 9AM, I suggested we do pancakes instead. So, on about 20 minutes notice (about the time it takes the team to change out of their gear) we whipped up a championship pancake breakfast with bacon, yogurt, fruit and juice. Finally... having a restaurant comes in handy!

Best golf games: I golfed with my boys 3 times this year. That was fun. They are growing up so fast!

Us photo-bombing someone's cheesy
Vegas wedding pic! LOL

Best spontaneous trip: Vegas with Shelby! I think she casually asked over the counter at work, on a Thursday, and that very Monday we were on a plane. I really needed that escape. Gosh we had laughs! Even better than our "great" Grand Forks adventure of 2010.

Best work moment: Hosting a charity milkshake event to raise money for a family whose dad is stricken with cancer. I have never seen a community come together like that day. And the staff were unbelievable! We accomplished more that day than we'd dreamt of. We put $2000 in the hands of a good family, for all the right reasons. That is my most proud teamwork moment for certain, maybe ever.  Thinking about that day brings a tear to my eye.

Reflecting back on a year is a good thing. I'm breathing better now for having reminisced and really thought about the individual events and moments. It's hard to grasp why I say I hated this year so much when it was, indeed, filled with much laughter and the company of friends. My loved ones are healthy and still with us. My children continue to grow and pursue their passions. I continue to travel and surprise myself with courage and strength. I've even had some fun writing about my travels. So... what do I really have to complain about? Not a damn thing.

Cheers! Here's to 2014. May our lives be blessed with good health, good friends and great adventures!

5 Reasons Why I'm Not Afraid to Fail

1. I've done it enough. I'm starting to get good at it.... failing, that is.  The hard part used to be getting back up and dusting yourself off. But once that's mastered, there's really no stopping you. 

2. No one gives a crap anyway. Seriously. Movie stars and politicians are the ones who are grabbing headlines. And while it used to be "15 minutes of fame" whatever your blunder, it's history in milliseconds with today's social media. 

3. Fail isn't a catastrophe anymore, it's a hashtag. Baked cookies... dropped them on the floor! #fail 

4. Life without risks isn't living.  I couldn't live in a bubble. I would never want that for my children either. Bubble wrap is for wine glasses and Grandma's Christmas ornaments, not people. 

5. If it's not illegal or immoral, don't sweat it. If you want to lie about your weight or going over the Secret Santa gift exchange budget, that's ok too in my books. 

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“Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is the little voice at the end of the day that says I'll try again tomorrow.” ― Mary Anne Radmacher.

Just Go For It

Even when you look in the mirror you don't see yourself the way that others see you.

This point was made for me a week ago, when a long time friend and co-worker shared her insight. She said to me, "you know, Cathie, you are the one person I know that lives without regrets. Nothing stops you and you just go for it!"

I at least had the presence of mind to pause and consider her words rather than retort with my usual sarcasm or bad jokes.

This was a very serious and well regarded woman and her remarks were intended as a compliment, no doubt.

So this suggestion that I live without regrets, or am perceived that way has really gotten my attention. Could this be true? Do I really go for it?

Well, I did change careers rather dramatically to buy a restaurant. I did move out of my familiar city to live in a rural area. I did write a book and have it hit the best sellers' list for several weeks. I do take spontaneous trips. I do drive a convertible, even when it rains. Hell, I did go to Vegas for my one day off in May.  Maybe that IS me! Maybe I'm a "hell ya'" kinda girl. I have always been independent and self assured. Maybe I AM a role model for living life and trying new things?

Maybe, just maybe I've got great new adventures still ahead of me if I can muster my "can do "attitude and keep it rolling.

I'll Toast That

I have a very special bottle of rum from The Bahamas. It's more like a liqueur really. You drink it neat, or on ice if you have to. But, it's best served chilled, an ounce at a time on rare and special occasions. I save it, rarely share it, and ration a bottle sometimes for more than a year.

You see, you can only buy it in The Bahamas. So I don't get all wild and crazy and start drinking it freely until I know the next flight back is booked. And right now, since there are no flights booked and no plans... the rum is strictly for special occasions only.

Tonight I cracked it open and poured a snifter of it. You see, I went skating tonight. Whoo hoo. No big deal right? Well, I fell on my ass.  Truthfully, I fell and smacked my elbow the first time. Then I got back up and kept going. And about a minute later, I tumbled backwards onto my butt. So why the rum? Because I had not fallen in probably 20 years. (Unless someone can correct me otherwise.) And I got back up and skated for another 45 minutes or so. At my age (LOL) that takes guts and deserves a reward.

I could ramble on about the outdoor ice quality in March, but I won't. I will note however, that after a lifetime in figure skates I've only used men's skates for two months now. I still kinda expect the pick to be there to push off with, or to catch me when I lose my balance. But, apparently not.

So, cheers:  To being old and still trying.

Ok, Bell, Let's Do This

#BellLetsTalk

It's a Canadian corporate driven day, initiated by Bell Canada, to talk about mental health issues. For each Facebook share, and tweet with the hashtag BellLetsTalk the company is donating 5 cents.  Considering there were over 25 million hits by Noon, this is going to be a big day.

Depression is just one of many mental health issues that plagues "Normal" Canadians. I say, normal, because I believe most everyone understands, feels, or can relate to depression. If we don't battle with it ourselves, we certainly know someone who does.

It comes in varying degrees. People guard it... some better than others. Whether you burst into tears or not, depression affects your health. It also affects your family. It can affect your job, your relationships and your ability to feel whole. With depression, it feels like something is missing. Like you can't muster the strength to compete or fulfill your duties.

I get depressed. I've talked about it a little. I elude to it at other times. I've never sought medical help or have taken medication for it. That makes me "normal" too. Many Canadians, most even, DON'T ever bring it up with their doctor. Rather, we turn to each other. Try to talk it out with friends. We keep busy with activities and we deny that its a problem.

I thought I was pretty good at keeping my emotions in check, until one day my young son said, "I know why daddy let you get the puppy." Surprised, and confused, I pressed for the answer. His reply, "because the puppy will make you get out of bed and do things. You can't just lie around being depressed."

That was a little shocking to hear. And I guess, it's true. The puppy does force me to participate. The puppy takes me for long walks. That helps. The puppy looks at me like I rule the earth... that helps too, I guess. The puppy depends on me. That keeps me going. The puppy is an extension of my family. I am here, and will always be here for my family.

My self-diagnosis is less about depression and more about exhaustion. I work many 70 hour weeks. I don't always eat properly. I don't get enough sunshine or family time. Work keeps me from having a social life. All true, but not excuses. I try to help myself with motivational words, photo reminders of my family. Dressing in bright colours, connecting with the outdoors, travelling, pursuing hobbies, listening to music and getting enough rest... these things all help.  But it doesn't solve it. Depression just sits there. It waits for the opportunity to spread. Some days are good. Some days are lousy.

Sometimes it makes me very quiet. I disappear from communication. I hide. I do the minimum required to get through the day. But if anyone needs me, I'll be there. I put others first. I probably alway will. Myself I don't believe I need outside help. This isn't a cry for attention either. I'm just saying... if you feel like this too, it's OK. Depression is just one of many emotions that we share. It makes us human.

Depression isn't about weakness. You can be the best athlete, or scientist or doctor. You could also be a receptionist who greets everyone with a smile, or a television personality. You could also be a child. If depression affected your child, your brother, or your neighbour you would help if you could.

Bell Canada has the right idea. Start talking. If you want to help, don't stop when the answer to "how are you" is Fine or Good. Ask again. Ask, how are you really doing? You might just get a different answer.



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#BellLetsTalk has a toolkit. There are resources out there. If you, or anyone you care about is just hanging on by a thread, please throw them a lifeline.

Best of 2012

Glass of wine in hand. Reflection goggles on! So, here goes! In no particular order. With no particular thought to the categories.

Best Vacation:  Atlantis hotel, Bahamas  October 2012.  Because... I feel at home there. I breathe deeply, rest thoroughly and am happy. And it's super fun and awesome and amazing! (Photo at left. That's my favourite pool.)

Best Day at Work:  The day my Uncle Baldur walked in to say hello. (September ?) Because... I was exhausted, it was about 8PM, I was sitting in a corner and finally eating my dinner. I was in a zombie state, reading the newspaper... then I heard a familiar voice at the counter. I jumped up and squealed like a cheerleader at the championships. So happy!!! He's one of my favourite people on this earth and I hadn't seen him in years. What a great surprise!

Best Meal:  (August) Dinner at Bacio. It's an italian restaurant at the Tropicana Hotel in Las Vegas. Twice I've eaten there. Two of the best meals of my entire life. It's not very expensive. The food is beyond delicious. The setting is intimate. The staff is fantastic. The celebrity chef, Carla Pellegrino has been in the kitchen (her restaurant) both visits. She's amazing. Seriously, I would go to Vegas just to eat there again! (@chefcarlapelleg) She has recently opened another restaurant @meatballspot which is also in Vegas. I think I better try it out in 2013!

Best Kiss:  (November 18th, 2012) We were looking at puppies. We were there to see a pup named Rookie and this other little black and white scamp flew past me and slurped my hand. She got my attention. Then she sat and captivated with her "pick me" eyes. I lifted her up and she kissed my cheek. My girl.... Bella. I've been getting puppy kisses 6 weeks now. I'm pleased to report that Rookie also found her right people and also has a forever home.

Best News: (March) My mom was strong enough to leave the hospital and head home. Home is always the best place to be.

Best Wine:  This year I found that I really like Apothic Red. Full bodied and holds its own with any meal. I like it with lasagna. It's good with dark chocolate and sea salt Ghiradelli chocolates too. Mmmm.

Best Photo: (November) I like this one. My friend Karen and I were being tourists in her home town. I loved our days together. This photo reminds me of her. I like to think the future holds Blue Skies for both of us.

Best Kid Time: (May) I took my older son on a hockey road trip of nearly 700 miles. We laughed and got to really know each other. It was just the two of us and I'll never forget it. I believe the Under Armour outlet at the shopping centre will remember us too!! We nearly bought the place out! (February) My younger boy and I played hours of shinny together on our ice rink. We took iphone videos of our antics. He says I play like a first year novice (that's not exactly a compliment!) Boy did we laugh hard that day! It was one of his favourite days too.

Best Sleep: (October) Sheraton Hotel in Atlanta, Georgia.  We were on a layover, sponsored by Delta Airlines. They comp'd us 2 rooms adjoining. Each of us had our own queen-sized, sweet sleeper bed. We had had the greatest adventure that day, were well fed and were completely exhausted from the day. All four of us slept like kings!

Best Chance Meeting:  (November) I was shopping at a market in North Vancouver, in a little boutique. I was admiring the purses for sale when the "clerk" let me know that she was indeed the purse designer and just minding the store that day for a friend. We got to talking and she was one of the most lovely people I've ever met. She makes the purses by hand, using reclaimed leather. She is an immigrant to Canada and just loves life. Each creation has so much thought to the design and clever craftmanship it was impossible not to fall in love with her work. (Yes! That's my purse!)  Of course I bought two purses for myself as my un-birthday, birthday gift! Jola and I have kept in touch and I expect she will be a huge designer once the magazines discover her.

Best Prayer Answered: (April) The lump that I was so scared of, was nothing. It was months of ignoring it. Then weeks of waiting for tests and results. I kept it pretty much to myself. Finally, the test results came in and I sunk to the floor and bawled. I texted the ones who worried along side me, and hugged the girls at work. That was a relief, big time.

Best Advice Received:  You need to make your own happiness. Live life without regrets.

Best Advice to Give: Eat ice cream. Forgive yourself. Tomorrow is a new day. Be open to new adventures!

With that, I toast 2012! Thanks for the memories! Here's hoping 2013 has blue skies, good health and much happiness ahead for all of us!