Not another day.

I don't believe in a lot of things.

I don't believe in soul mates. I don't believe in luck, magic or anything really but hard work and timing.

But I do believe in ghosts. And I do believe those that you love and lose, never leave.

Case in point... my grandpa was my best friend. He was one of the greatest influences in my life, if not the greatest. Today is his birthday, though he passed away 18 years ago. March 27th always messes me up.  His wife, my grandmother, also died on the 27th.

It's also a day that I have to work. Have to. It's not something I can avoid. It's ok really, it's kind of fitting considering how incredibly hard he worked.  I get the uncommon work ethic from him.  That, and the 26th, a very privately difficult day, makes for a heck of an emotional week for me.

So here's my story:  I've been dreading this day for a while. I nearly burst into tears just looking at the calendar. And here it is again.

I'm sitting quietly and calmly watching TV alone just before midnight on the 27th and a song pops into my head. (Today, just now!) All the lyrics are clear as day. It makes me sing along, out loud, then laugh. Then I burst into happy tears. My grandpa had one song he sang. One song! I can't say that I heard it often, but it was the only one I ever remember and it brought such a smile to his face, and mine. As a kid I'd sing along.

The hilarity of the song is its irony. My grandpa was the most humble, modest, polite, gentle and hard working character. He did not drink alcohol, never smoked and was more honest and kind than anyone I'll ever know. The song is "Oh Lord, It's Hard to Be Humble." Even writing the title makes me crack a smile. And I can't help but laugh and smile when I hear it. And it's pretty impossible to be sad when you're singing along instinctively. It's a comical song!

Funny "fate" moment was when I bought my jukebox for my restaurant.... a huge, scary, leap of faith that was... I got a bunch of 45s with the jukebox. One of them was "his" song.  It made me think in some way it was a sign from him and that I would be "okay."

Coincidentally, I also signed the deal to the restaurant with a Viking Motors pen. A completely random pen that was on the counter at the Diner. That sent shivers to my core, because my other grandfather was the founder of Viking Motors. And believe me, there was no reason for that pen to be in that Diner, far far away from the town in which the dealership existed many years before. No reason at all for anyone to hand me that pen to ink the deal to sign and buy my restaurant.

Do my grandfathers keep a watchful eye on me? Yes. I believe they do.

Does it make me feel better? Yes. Yes it does. Because here on earth, I'm too stubborn, independent, driven, proud, bull headed and ridiculous to let any man take care of me.

I'm not sure my grandfathers would be completely proud of me. I do drink, swear, stay up late, and gamble a bit... but those are pretty rare occasions. 95% of everything I do I believe they'd smile and say "that's my girl."

So cheers Grandpa! I'll be making your favourite pie later today and singing our song. I miss you still. And always. Grandma too.

"Oh Lord, it's hard to be humble... when you're perfect in every way. I can't wait to look in the mirror... I get better looking each day! To know me is to love me. I must be a hell of a man. Oh Lord it's hard to be humble... but I'm doing the best that I can.

..... Some say that I'm egotistical, but I don't even know what that means! I guess it's got something to do with the way that I fill out my skin tight blue jeans! Ohhhhhh Lord it's hard to be humble...." 

xo