Christmas Turbulence

Like so many others, I struggle with holidays. Holidays exacerbate the feelings we carry around all the time. When lights are aglow and holiday music plays it just seems to make things so much worse. When I feel dark and gloomy on the inside, a dash of fake holiday syrup isn't going to make it any better.

Commercialism of the holiday is one aspect. Demands, or perceived demands add so much pressure. The pressure is the other thing that gets to me. Is it possible to live up to expectations? Can anything truly be perfect? Probably not. But we try and try, and stress ourselves out immensely in the process.

I have kids. They have constant peer pressure. Then there are the holiday parties for each and every club they belong to. Bring this, make that, donate this, fundraise that. Each year the expectations seem to grow. It all seems overwhelming.

The exception is their school play. It's modest and cheery and the right blend of character building, and fun. I enjoy it every year. The expectation there is to have fun, and to gather in the holiday spirit of community. It's pure and simple. I love it.

The Christmases I have enjoyed the most are the ones we bailed on convention and did our own thing. Took off on a plane and made a real holiday of it. The year we went to Maui was the best. Sun, sand, surf and fish tacos for Christmas dinner. No gifts, no expectations, just family togetherness.

Then there was fake Christmas. I loved fake Christmas too. Cj and I went to Disneyworld in late November. Their decorations and parades and holiday magic were in full effect. For us it was early Christmas. No pressure. No running around splitting time a few hours here, a few hours there. No demands from family. We just hid away from the world and enjoyed the magic of Disney. Some cocoa, a couple cookies, fake snow and a Christmas Mickey toy made it all seem so real, right there in November. Fake Christmas rocked. Ooooh, and their light display. Clark Griswold be ashamed. Disney and their million light display was absolutely second to none.

Did I mention the gingerbread house at the Grand Floridian? That was incredible to see! And smell! The whole experience was awe inspiring. Now of course, I don't think I could handle the crowds of real Christmas at Disney, but I bet it would be incredible still.

But this  year I've got the 400 gifts wrapped (ok, not really 400 but it feels like it) and the dinner crate assembled and ready for the family road trip. We'll bounce from house to house to house spreading ourselves thin (I mean, spreading cheer). We'll exhaust the children and forget things along the way. We'll be accused of being ill mannered for leaving early or showing up late. We'll bring the wrong cookies, forget the wine and in general say the wrong things. I'll bite my tongue, eat handfuls of Tylenol and feel extremely guilty for leaving the dogs at the kennel. But... we'll be with family and that's what matters. My kids couldn't bear to have Christmas without their uncle, and I wholeheartedly agree.

I'll do my best to relax and ride the waves. When the stress gets to me, I'll head back to Hawaii in my mind. Maybe next year we'll be there in person again. Or at the very least, I'll try to find my aloha attitude again and just hang loose.