Imagine you are sitting poolside at a resort, or perhaps oceanside on the sand. You are surrounded by couples. People laughing, people reading, people frolicking in the water and people bickering. Obviously those frolicking are NOT MARRIED! Bickering.... married. Some of it is so easy to tell. But, there are grey areas. So, let me help you identify the couples with this fun little guide.
So, lets say you are curious and scanning the crowd. Who's married and who isn't? Perhaps it's a game you might enjoy playing with your poolside companion. There are two sure fire indicators I'll let you in on.
Firstly, how does he apply suntan lotion to his woman? A married woman will say, "honey, can you please put some suntan lotion on my back?" A husband will reply with a bit of a grunt. Perhaps some muttering under his breath and a release of air ... like "uuugh" as he gets up off his chair to do it. Then he will grab the 60spf, waterproof, kids' lotion that you have and with a slap, glob on about 4 ounces all at once. He'll then smear it around as quickly as possible. You know... get in, get out before any single woman might suspect that he's WITH you. He will leave noticeable blotches and gaps and perhaps even a distinct hand print on your back. Something you won't notice until later when you realize you have an abstract burn print on you. So to recap; If this process takes less than 60 seconds and there is eye rolling or grunting involved (like it is a chore) you are definitely dealing with a husband.
On the other hand, you can expect that the man is a "boyfriend" or someone married less than a year (Honeymooners are still considered boyfriends for this exercise.) if he acts in the following manner. Firstly, HE does the ask. "Oh sweetie, you don't want to burn. Let me rub lotion on you." She says "sure." He immediately shifts. (Wink wink). Then said boyfriend will gently apply very small quantities of a low spf lotion. (So that he has to re-apply regularly.) This process will take at least 5 minutes, maybe 10. He will carefully lift and move bikini straps and work all areas multiple times for perfect, even application. He may even offer to do her front side. (Gasp!) Though he may draw little hearts and designs with his fingers, he is NOT screwing up the lotion application. He is simply lingering in the process and trying to be flirty. So, to recap: If he takes a long time and looks INTO it... boyfriend.
Secondly, the beverage service chosen by the couple will indicate married or not married. So, if she gets one drink and a dirty look (for the poolside prices), she's married to the guy. A single guy is making an alcoholic investment. He will buy his companion at least two or three of those cute little tropical drinks with the umbrellas. The more the merrier... literally.
"But Cathie, it's winter. How will we know if they are married or not?" Don't worry dear reader, I have the answer for this too.
If a couple is out for an evening and she wears practical, sensible, flat boots... married. Or, if she wears heels and struggles to tippy toe across the ice unescorted, while he criticizes her footwear choices and nags to hurry up, you know they are married. If the couple is not married, she will be wearing at least 3 inch heels. They may not even be boots. He will have his arm around her and be cautiously escorting her to the vehicle and opening the door for her. He may or may not move in for a kiss at the car. Easy call... boyfriend!
There you have it. Any other burning questions just ask!
No comments:
Post a Comment